


Verisimilitude

by xPhoenixFlamex



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Episode: s01e16 Failsafe, F/M, Fake Character Death, Flashbacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Doubt, Simulated Life, Tags May Change, possible triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-08-08 20:39:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 39,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7772539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xPhoenixFlamex/pseuds/xPhoenixFlamex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Verisimilitude: the appearance of being true or real. What if Robin didn't die in the explosion of the mothership in "Failsafe"? What if he lived out thirty years of his life in a simulation, only to be jolted awake and find that it all wasn't real? Robin struggles to overcome his demons while learning to cope and adjust to the mental torture he's been put through.<br/>Originally posted on fanfiction.net under the same name and author.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Invasion

 

The first thing he was aware of was the  _ pain.  _ Everything burned - every muscle, nerve, every bit and piece of him felt like it was on fire. He felt like he would simply die from the pain any second.

 

So, in other words, he was  _ not  _ feeling the aster.

 

There was a ringing sound in his ears that was driving him crazy, but he could barely hear something beyond that. A...beeping sound?

 

He cracked his eyes to be met with similar darkness, but after a few moments they adjusted so that he could clearly make out the ceiling with a light on it.  He was lying on his back, but he was in a medical bed position slightly upward.  He craned his neck upward a bit only to hiss in pain as the simple movement made his head pound. The hiss - of course, with his luck - made his ribs ache as well.

 

_ No moving then.  _ He thought to himself. He mentally began to recount everything he could remember. The memories began to flash in front of his eyes.

 

_ The League being wiped out. _

 

_ The Team and other various heroes taking the burden of protecting Earth. _

 

_ The Team dying one by one. _

 

_ Artemis. _

 

_ Kaldur. _

 

_ Conner. _

 

_ The explosion on the mothership. _

 

_ Wally! M’gann! _

 

Where were his two missing teammates? Had Wally escaped alive as well? Did M’gann manage to escape the explosion with her uncle?

 

Did they win, but at a terrible cost?

 

He heard a small sound outside his room and he snapped out of his thoughts. The figure must’ve waited at the door for a second or two, as if deciding whether or not to step inside, before he heard the door open slowly and quietly. He heard the footsteps - a young man’s, but the sound of them - enter the room and shut the door as softly as he opened it. He hesitatingly came into the injured hero’s line of sight.

 

_ Roy.  _ He inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. He opened his mouth to say something, but it was so dry nothing came out. He managed to make a sort of strangled groan which alerted his fellow hero that he was awake.

 

“Dick.” Roy said surprised, coming to stand by his bedside. “You’re awake. Don’t try to talk or move yet - we barely managed to pull you out of the wreckage. You’ve been out for a week. No one knew if you’d make it.”

 

He sent him a questioning look and Roy opened his mouth again to explain, “Once we heard of you guys’s suicide mission, me and a few other heroes went to Smallville a bit after the explosion. We must have lost you half a dozen times before we could stabilize you, and even then it was still a bit touch-and-go.” His look didn’t waver and Roy decided to address the subject that he had been dancing around. “Wally and M’gann...they didn’t make it.”

 

His face hardened, and he switched his stare to the ceiling. Roy simply gave the boy a sympathetic look before quietly leaving the room.

 

Only after he had left did tears start leaking out of the Boy Wonder’s eyes.

 

**=======================**

 

Several months later he was cleared to leave the premises (the medical bay he had been held in had been the Cave, apparently. He had been so drugged and out of it he hadn’t recognized the room). He had to be confined to a wheelchair however, since his leg was broken and his arms were too injured for crutches.

 

He met with the other surviving heroes, consisting of Red Arrow, Aquagirl, Tempest, Zatanna, Rocket and Batgirl (Barbara had created the identity to herself after Batman’s death and Robin’s apparent demise to take care of Gotham). They made the decision to reform the Justice League.

 

Soon later, they made some additions such as the Green Lantern Guy Gardner and Donna Troy as Wonder Girl.

 

Despite the horrors they all faced the day of the invasion, they would keep fighting for those who they had lost. 

 

Earth’s heroes would continue.

 

**=======================**

 

He was eventually cleared of his wheelchair, and the first thing he did was attend the ceremony honoring those who had been lost in “The Invasion”, as it was now referred to as the public. It took place in DC and was the reveal of the rebuilt statues of the League at the Hall of Justice, as well as statues of all of the Team (Robin had a statue, despite not being a casualty) to commend their bravery and sacrifice for the world. 

 

Not one person had a dry eye that day.

 

_ I’m sorry I let you all down. I was leader, and I led you all right to your deaths. Why did I survive when all of you died that day?  _

 

Staring up at the statues of his teammates, his friends, his  _ family,  _ he made a promise. He swore he would make up for his sins that day until his last breath. He would protect the Earth and the remaining heroes until his dying day. 

 

He would fight until he could fight no more.

 

**=======================**

 

Eventually, Robin became Nightwing and Red Arrow became Arsenal.

 

They both just couldn’t take the constant reminders of their mentors. Of everyone who had died.

 

Robin was Batman’s apprentice, Red Arrow was Green Arrow’s ex-protégé. 

 

But without either, what were they?  _ Who  _ were they?

 

But they both knew it was futile. He could never forget M’gann’s scream as Artemis died - the first of the Team to fall. The first domino. Roy would always remember looking at that crater that used to be the alien mothership and thinking  _ all of my friends are dead. Everyone I know and love are gone.  _

 

Roy always thought that if he hadn’t been so dramatic that day back in D.C., it would have turned out differently. That they - the Team, Green Arrow, Black Canary, all of them - would still be alive.

 

**=======================**

 

He let out his signature cackle, which was something he hadn’t done in a  _ long  _ time. It had lost the humor that used to be hidden in it, giving it a chilling effect.

 

The boy stopped in his mission, stiffening slightly in fear but not turning around. “You gonna turn me in?” He asked quietly.

 

He stood next to the boy trying to steal the Batmobile’s tires and he stood, dropping his tool. “What’s your name?” He asked, surprising the boy.

 

“Jason. Jason Todd.”

 

“Well Jason,” He gave the boy a smile, “Do you have parents?” 

 

Jason shook his head, “I lost my dad a long time ago. My mom died in the Invasion. She had already given up by then though. She was a drug addict. I’ve lived on the streets practically my whole life.”

 

“Well then Jason, if you are so obsessed with the Batmobile...how about a ride?”

 

He took the boy back to the Batcave and later officially adopted him (his eighteenth birthday had already come several months back). He told him his secret identity, and introduced him to Alfred and later Barbara, who had been living in the manor since her father’s death in the Invasion.

 

Jason didn’t know why he had spilled his whole life story to the vigilante in the alley.

 

Dick didn’t know why he had trusted a random boy, whom he had caught in an act of thievery.

 

But later, when Jason took up the title of Robin, they both were glad that they did what they did.

 

**=======================**

 

The Team eventually reformed, consisting of Robin, Bumblebee, Wonder Girl (Donna took up the name Troia), and Lagoon Boy. 

  
The reformation of the Team was, in a way, the final step for him accepting that what he knew had changed since the Invasion. The old League and Team were dead, but new heroes had risen from their ashes. 

 

Although he was not the leader of the League (he didn’t trust himself, not after what happened the last time he lead a team) he was one of the more active members. He was the hero of Gotham with Batgirl and Robin, and he would cover Central City whenever he could. He made sure to be a big brother/father-like figure to Jason every spare moment he had.

 

He didn’t want to be like Bruce used to be: obsessed in his work, dark, broody. Batman would do anything for the sake of the mission. He was a leader.

 

Dick didn’t want to become Batman. He wanted to  _ live.  _ He had seen everyone he loved die - twice, once when he was nine and another as a thirteen year old - and he knew for a fact that the mission wasn’t the first priority. 

 

The first priority was family. 

 

**=======================**

 

Years passed, heroes came and left, and things changed.

 

Jason left the name Robin and became Redbird, moving to Blüdhaven to become a solo hero. Dick adopted Timothy Drake, his neighbor whose father had been killed, and Tim became the new Robin.

 

Barbara changed identities as well, leaving Batgirl to become Oracle, a den mother for the Team who would coordinate their missions from the Cave. She took Stephanie Brown under her wing after helping her defeat her father one night and trained her to become Batgirl and legally adopting her.

 

He kept in contact with Roy, who had married the reformed assassin  Cheshire and had a daughter, Lian Artemis Harper, named in honor of Cheshire’s sister (which Dick had learned from Roy, surprising him greatly but making sense).

 

The Team and the League’s rosters changed, new heroes - such as a new Blue Beetle or a time-travelling speedster named Impulse - joined their ranks, and time kept marching on.

 

Dick eventually met Talia al Ghul, who passed over Damian Wayne, Bruce’s biological son. Dick raised the boy, who aspired to be like his fallen father, and eventually gave him the title of Robin when Tim left the nest.

 

Dick changed over the years. He was less talkative and joking, but was still social and would indulge in good-natured teasing. He began a relationship with Barbara (one that was “a long time coming”, as Roy put it) which eventually evolved into the pair marrying. 

 

When Dick was forty-three, thirty years after the Invasion, he went on a mission with Rocket, Troia, and Redbird. 

 

He had learned his lesson the day of the Invasion, so when he saw the man aiming the gun at Jason’s - his brother’s - unprotected back, he didn’t hesitate before rushing forward, to take the bullet himself. It pierced in a small chink in his kevlar armor - located on the lower, middle section of his back. It definitely pierced a vital organ.

 

It was fatal. 

 

As he lay on the ground bleeding to death, he smiled as he looked up at the boy’s tearstained face and heard a roar of anger from the girls in the background. They would all be saddened by his death, but they would carry on and fight the good fight. They would be okay,  _ alive. _

 

And so Nightwing, a survivor of the Invasion, a senior member of the Justice League, a man who was married and had adopted with his wife three sons and a daughter, a man of forty-three, closed his eyes as he sucked in one last breath…

  
And opened them again as he exhaled, finding himself in the Cave surrounded by teammates that he had thought long dead. 


	2. Rewind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn’t know anything anymore. He wasn’t sure of the line between fantasy and reality. He didn’t know what was real and what was not.
> 
> The whole thing...all those years...it was just a lie.
> 
> He slammed his fists against the wall, making a dent in it. He didn’t care. He had to vent. He had to get his anger out somehow.

He slowly sat up as his gaze traveled around the room.

 

_ Red Tornado. Martian Manhunter.  _ Two Leaguers long dead.

 

_ Kaldur. Wally. Artemis. M’gann. Conner.  _ His Team, who had fallen to long ago.

 

_ Batman.  _ His father, who someone stood their in the flesh.

 

Consternation turned into shock as he sat there, watching his dead friends sit up groaning and muttering. A single thought went through his mind.

 

_ How? _

 

When Batman and Martian Manhunter explained that the entire thing had been a  _ simulation.  _ That the last thirty years of his life  _ wasn’t real.  _ He blinked 

 

And when it became clear that  _ no one knew he didn’t die on the mothership and lived thirty years of his life in a fake reality  _ it just became too much.

 

So he did what he did best, and when the Leaguer’s backs were turned, he disappeared.

 

Silently walking alone in the hallway, he cast a glance at every door. The Cave was sickeningly familiar, yet excruciatingly different. His face hardened when he passed Tim's room in the mountain, and he clenched his teeth when he passed what used to be Jason's. Both now were empty rooms without a trace of life.

 

He stopped short in front of his room. He tried not to focus on the door that he remembered as having the Nightwing insignia on it, and instead entered.

 

The rug and the walls were a different color (he redecorated after a prank made by Tim, Gar, and Bart) and the room itself was completely rearranged. Gone was the dent in the wall he had made one day in frustration, and the setup made by several monitors that he made completely by hand on the far wall had disappeared completely. The Flying Grayson poster still hung, but the pictures of the League and the Team he had hung next to it - as a tribute to them - were gone.

 

The desk was his old one that he had destroyed testing out a new birdarang (which he renamed Wingdings after letting Lian choose the name when babysitting her. Roy had been so embarrassed when he found out later) and the seat's cushion wasn't ripped (he had never figured out how that happened). The computer on the desk had been outdated for years…but it was cutting edge technology.

 

Everything was wrong.

 

He wished he would wake up (again) and find that this was all fake. That Barbara and Jason and Tim and Stephanie and Damian were all waiting for him to wake up after surviving the gunshot. He was just in a coma dreaming about how the Invasion could have been falsified. Yeah, this was all a dream.

 

But it wasn't. Dreams weren't this vivid.

 

_ The last thirty years of my life were pretty vivid. Maybe this is just fake and the other one is reality. _

 

_ But do I really want this to be untrue? _

 

_ …Can I really choose between realities? Between families? Between teams? _

 

The answer, of course, was no. But that apparently didn't matter, because Fate had taken the decision away from him.

 

Not literally, of course. Zatanna wasn't trapped as Doctor Fate in this reality. But it still felt as if Nabu himself had a hand in what was happening to him.

 

Pacing, he realized how  _ awkward  _ he felt. He was used to longer limbs and no cape. He wasn't used to the bright red and yellow he now donned, but rather black and blue.

 

Everything was so wrong!

 

Hearing a knock on the door, he was slightly surprised when he opened it and Batman stood there. He was used to Barbara or maybe Roy comforting him. Being there for him.

 

Bruce? He had been dead for years and before that he hadn't been adept with emotions.

 

"Let's go home." Pain shot through him at that gruff voice he hadn't heard for so long and he felt tears tugging at the corner of his eyes. Not meeting the man's eyes, he followed him out of the room, out of the mountain, and into the Zeta tubes.

 

When he heard the computer recognize him as "Robin" he almost gave a start of surprise. Who could blame him though? He hadn't been called Nightwing since he was eighteen.

 

_ But you aren't eighteen. You never have been. You are thirteen. The Invasion never happened. It was just a simulation gone wrong.  _

 

He made a beeline straight to his room, not saying a word to Bruce or Alfred or meeting their eyes. He almost went right passed his room to the one he and Barbara shared, but he corrected himself at the last second. He quietly shut the door and locked it, before sinking onto the bed, trying to ignore his room and how different it was. 

 

His mind ran through everything that had happened during the simulation. He could still remember what happened the day of the Invasion in frightening detail - he hadn't forgotten that day or the bloodshed it had brought into his life, into  _ everyone’s  _ lives.

 

_ And it all wasn’t real. _

 

_ No Aquagirl, Tempest, or Batgirl. _

 

_ No Troia, Arsenal, or Lian. _

 

_ No Bumblebee, Lagoon Boy, or Wondergirl. _

 

_ No Blue Beetle, Impulse, or Black Lightning. _

 

_ No Beast Boy, Guardian, or Static. _

 

_ No Jason. _

 

_ No Tim. _

 

_ No Steph. _

 

_ No Damian. _

 

_ It wasn’t real! _

 

His breathing hitched and a sob cut in his throat. He ripped off his mask, allowing tears to flow freely; he hadn’t bothered to change, despite Alfred’s rule  of “no capes in the Manor”.

 

He didn’t know anything anymore. He wasn’t sure of the line between fantasy and reality. He didn’t know what was real and what was not.

 

The whole thing...all those years...it was just a lie.

 

He slammed his fists against the wall, making a dent in it. He didn’t care. He had to vent. He had to get his anger out  _ somehow. _

 

He quickly changed out of his Robin costume and switching to civvies, ignoring the pang that went through him at the unfamiliar clothes. Sunset wouldn’t be for an hour or two. He could still take a walk through Gotham. He pulled up the hood on his sweatshirt and put on sunglasses - the last thing he needed was another Dick Grayson kidnapping.

 

He slipped out his window, scaling the side of the Manor with the grace of an acrobat. He didn’t care if Bruce or Alfred knew he had left - he simply didn’t want to see them before he left the grounds. He couldn’t confront them, not now. 

 

Several minutes later, walking down the streets of Gotham, he found himself heading to a familiar destination.

 

He stared over the area of Gotham Park that was forest. The area had been decimated in the Invasion and had later been turned into a memorial for the suffering of all - hero and civilian alike. Now he just stood over the woodland, alive with birds and other critters.

 

Shaking his head, he turned away and slowly headed back to the Manor. He couldn’t bear to look at that spot any longer; it hurt to think about what  _ should  _ have been, but  _ wasn’t. _

 

Whether he accepted it or not, he had to face it.

 

The world he knew, the  _ people  _ he knew, were gone. They never existed.

 

He was thirteen years old, he was Robin, and the Invasion never happened.

  
  



	3. Therapy Sessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprising both of them, he spoke up, “It’s not what you think.” He snapped his mouth shut, his eyes widening behind his sunglasses.
> 
> Black Canary raised an eyebrow, and shifted her position on the chair so she was at eye level with him. “Then what is it?” She gently encouraged. “Please, Robin, help me understand so I can help.”
> 
> He stood up faster than a speedster, “You can’t understand and you can’t help.” And with that, he left the room, ignoring her calls for him to return.

He could tell they were on to him. They knew something was wrong besides their version of the failsafe mission gone wrong. They knew there was something he wasn’t telling them. Something important.

 

It had been a week since the simulation. Seven days since he lived thirty years of his life mentally, but was simply unconscious to reality for a few hours.

 

He felt so  _ uncomfortable,  _ both mentally and physically.

 

He couldn’t properly judge length anymore, and he would find himself reaching for things that were clearly out of his (frustratingly) short reach. He would also find himself dodging or ducking to avoid objects that were too far away to have any effect on him.

 

In costume, he would find himself stumbling slightly, not used to moving with a cape after so many years. He could still use his escrima sticks - thank God - but he had to change his fighting style to match what  _ Robin’s  _ style should be and what would fit his teenage body.

 

He kept his head slightly lowered as he entered the therapy room. He still noticed every detail - from Black Canary’s relaxed but attentive stance to the rushing sound of the small waterfall on the far wall. He took the seat opposite of the heroine (not that he had much choice, it was the only other chair in the room) and quietly folded his hands into his lap. He forced himself not to spread out like he used to do with his long limbs; he was too  _ small  _ to do most things he used to do.

 

“Robin.” He still didn’t meet her eyes. He barely met anyone’s eyes in the League or the Team nowadays. He couldn’t handle the fact that they were  _ alive  _ and standing in front of him.  _ Breathing. Living.  _ It just seemed… impossible. “Robin, look at me.” Black Canary softly said, her voice soothing.

 

He lifted his head and met her eyes. His were still hidden behind shades, thankfully, but it still didn’t soften the blow. 

 

_ “Red Tornado to Cave, I fear that I am all that is left of the League.” _

 

He closed his eyes tightly before opening them again. He still looked her in the eyes though, but it was still painful. 

 

“I know the affects of the simulation must have been hard on you - “

 

_ “We are Earth’s heroes now.” _

 

“- and that you went through a lot during that time.”

 

_ “ARTEMIS!” _

 

“It must’ve been difficult, leading the Team in such a troubling time - “

 

_ “You knew, you knew from the beginning why we were really here.” _

 

“And if you have anything you want to get out...I’ll listen.

 

_ “Wally and M’gann...they didn’t make it.” _

 

His breathing began to increase slightly, but he took several deep breaths. He didn’t say anything to the female leader. He simply stared on, like how he had stared at the ceiling in the hospital for hours when he realized no one else made it…

 

_ Don’t think about that.  _ He softly chided himself.

 

“Look, Robin, I’m here for you. And others are here for you too. Batman, for example.”

 

_ “Nightwing. Call me Nightwing from now on. Robin...he was Batman’s partner. And with Batman...dead...I can’t be him anymore.”  _

 

At his continued silence and lack of response, Black Canary hesitantly said, “We’ve been noticing that you’ve had some... _ difficulties... _ adjusting to reality.”

 

_ “Since when did you get so tall, squirt? I swear it was just yesterday you were just reaching up to my quiver. Now...you’re taller than me!” _

 

Silence. Eerie, uncomfortable silence.

 

Surprising both of them, he spoke up, “It’s not what you think.” He snapped his mouth shut, his eyes widening behind his sunglasses.

 

Black Canary raised an eyebrow, and shifted her position on the chair so she was at eye level with him. “Then what is it?” She gently encouraged. “Please, Robin, help me understand so I can help.”

 

He stood up faster than a speedster, “You can’t understand and you  _ can’t  _ help.” And with that, he left the room, ignoring her calls for him to return.

 

**=======================**

 

Four days later, apparently Batman decided was time for an intervention. The others had already mostly recovered from the simulation. Him? Not so much.

 

Batman’s firm grip on his shoulder guided him back into the chair he had sat in several days prior. Black Canary was once again sitting across from him, but was now joined by Batman and Martian Manhunter standing behind him.

 

He sat down, not meeting any of them in the eyes.

 

“Robin.” At Black Canary’s warning tone, he lifted his head to just meet them in the eyes. His position was ridged and tense, ready to spring into action at any second. “Your recent behavior has come to our attention. Robin...are you okay?”

 

He gave a small nod, but stayed silent. It was a lie of course, a blatant one. No one in the room believed him for a second, not even himself. He felt the firm grip on his shoulder again, but he didn’t look up at his mentor. He didn’t trust himself to.

 

“It’s okay to talk about it,” Black Canary gave him a sympathetic smile, “It’s not a sign of weakness to show emotions or talk about them. Please, let us in. We all just want to help you.”

 

He breathed a shaky breath, trying to suppress the memories of the simulation. "I…I didn't…" Black Canary gave him an encouraging smile and Batman's grip tightened. He tried to focus on that, grounding him to reality, "I didn't die on the mothership." He said quietly, "The simulation…it kept going."

 

Surprise flickered over Black Canary and Martian Manhunter's faces, "And what happened?" 

 

He looked down, the memories coming up, "I woke up in a hospital after the explosion. Roy was there, explaining that we had won but I was the only survivor. That all my friends…everyone was dead." A lone tear trickled down his face, as he looked up, "And so I lived. It continued for years. Life just kept going. It was so  _ different _ ...but it felt so  _ real. _ " his voice cracked.

 

_ "Do you think he'd be proud of me?" Damian asked him quietly. "My father?" _

 

_ He smiled at the younger boy and kneeled down to be on eye level with him, "Your father was never good with emotions." He explained gently, and the boy looked down, obviously hiding disappointment. _

 

_ He grabbed the boy's shoulders, "But yes. I think he would be very proud of you." Damian looked up and gave a rare smile. Damian was just like Bruce, always hiding what he truly felt. Uncertainty shone in the younger boy's eyes as he slowly gave him a hesitant hug.  _

 

_ He smiled, gazing down at Damian and gently returning the hug. Damian was obviously awkward but still, it was heartwarming. _

 

_ Awkward yet heartwarming; Damian was definitely a Wayne. _

 

"How long?” Batman was suddenly crouching in front of him, appearing emotionless. He knew the man well though, and could tell he was probably concerned. Martian Manhunter was standing right behind him and Black Canary was leaning forward.

 

He looked down at his hands, silent. He didn’t trust himself to speak.  Batman looked back at Martian Manhunter, “Is it possible for him to have been in there mentally for years?”

 

Martian Manhunter looked indecisive before slowly nodding, “I have heard of something happening once before. The victim was mentally trapped in a similar situation for ten years, when only seconds pass in the real world. Since the mind is so complex, you could be trapped for any amount of time, as long as you were unaware that it was not real and did not ‘die’ in the fake world. The simulation could have been unknowingly continued after M’gann and I departed and Robin was left behind.”

 

_ “And here…” He stopped in front of the graves, “...Jason, Tim, meet my parents.” _

 

_ Jason crouched in front of the grave, his fingers tracing over the engraved words. Today marked the fifteenth anniversary of their deaths. _

 

_ He looked down to see Tim holding his hand, “Are those your aunts and uncles?” He asked quietly. _

 

_ He nodded, “And cousins.” _

 

_ “Don’t worry about your son, Mr. and Mrs. Grayson.” He turned to see Jason talking to the graves, “He’s grown up and is a great person. He took us in when we had no place to go. You should be proud of him.” _

 

_ Tim let go of his hand to sit next to Jason, “He’s the best.” _

 

_ And so he stood there, dumbfounded, as Jason and Tim made conversation with his parents. They were talking about his prowess in battle, and how compassionate he was afterwards. He felt a few tears sliding down his face as he smiled. _

 

_ When they finally had to leave, he whispered out one small, “Thank you.” to both of them. They both just smiled. _

 

_ “We were only telling the truth.” _

 

Batman and Martian Manhunter were quietly conversing a small distance away, using hushed tones so he couldn’t hear them. Black Canary was sitting on the arm of the chair, a soft hand on his shoulder, grounding him and bringing him back to reality. She was whispering soothing words, and he realized he was shaking. He drew in several deep breaths, forcing himself to stop.

 

“It wasn’t real.” He didn’t mean to say the words, they just came out. He suddenly felt awkward. He wasn’t used to being treated like this. Like some weak kid.  He wasn’t used to breaking down and having others have to help pick up the pieces.

 

He always had to be strong,  _ he  _ was the one that would ground the others in times like these. When Ted Kord, the original Blue Beetle, died. When Tim’s parents passed away. 

 

The only times someone had to comfort him like this were on the dates of the Invasion and his parent’s death. Barbara would be the one softly whispering to him. Roy would be the one putting a hand on his shoulder. His wife and his best friend.

 

That would be the hardest thing of all, he realized. He would see them both again but they would know nothing. They would be from a different time, a different  _ world.  _ They wouldn’t be the same people he knew.

 

Black Canary slowly moved away from him and made her way to the two other Leaguers. He didn’t react in the slightest to her departure from his side. He unconsciously tuned in to their conversation, catching snippets of it.

 

“-never faced anything like this before-”

 

“-he’s clearly faced traumatizing events-”

 

“-tell the Team?”

 

“-long could he have lived without-”

 

“-worried about him-”

 

“Thirty.” He spoke up. His head was still down but he knew the others were turning to look at him. “Thirty years.”

  
  



	4. Flashbacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick!” The man’s voice snapped him back to reality, Batman was kneeling besides him, but why was he looking up?
> 
> That was when he became aware of something behind him, and realized he was on the floor. He let out a soft groan as his head throbbed and instinctively looked straight up.
> 
> Right at Batman.
> 
> He froze, tensing up. He soon relaxed, able to calm himself because the eyes were masked. They were just white spots on black fabric. He could look at them. There was no need to panic. Still, he looked away as he got up into a sitting position.
> 
> “What happened?” He softly inquired.

He slept at the Cave that night.

 

It was easier than sleeping at the Manor. Less things were different at the Cave, and it was much easier to remember the new Team and League than it was to remember Barbara, Jason, Tim, Stephanie, or Damian.

 

Besides, he needed constant proof. Proof that the simulation wasn’t real and the Team - the original Team - were alive and well.

 

He woke early the next morning from a nightmare - or rather, a memory of how the simulation began. It ended with him caught in the explosion - and stealthily made his way to the kitchen. He didn’t want to talk to the Team about the simulation just yet. He ate a small, quick breakfast before making his way to the Cave’s gym.

 

The gym was a place where he could train and just  _ forget.  _ He could forget about the simulation, about the thirty years, about the invasion, and just lose himself. He made sure to remove his cape before starting; it was beginning to be a tripping hazard with him constantly forgetting it was there.

 

The one place where he could genuinely smile.

 

“Robin.” The voice was quiet, but still pierced through the air. It wasn’t until Batman repeated his name did he realise that he was talking to him. 

 

_ “This is the best day of my life!” Jason laughed, trying out various karate moves in his new Robin uniform. _

 

He dropped down next to the Dark Knight, looking everywhere but at his face. “Dick,” His gentle warning tone made him immediately meet his eyes, ignoring the pain that went through him.

 

_ “Batman may be dead, but Gotham City will still be protected.” _

 

“Black Canary thinks it will help if you meet with her daily.” He explained softly, as though he was scared that he would run away and break down any second. “If you’re up to it, you can talk about what happened...after…” He nodded, telling Batman that he understood what he meant and agreed to it. He didn’t like it, however. He didn’t want to talk.

 

“And perhaps you could meet with Martian Manhunter later, so he can see if there are any residual effects of the simulation left in your mind.”  _ This  _ made him stiffen. He didn’t want anyone in his mind. He didn’t want to live another thirty years mentally.

 

He  _ couldn’t. _

 

_...Jason...Tim… _

 

_ …Steph...Damian… _

 

_...Roy...Barbara… _

 

_ Barbara. _

 

_ “Will you marry me?” _

 

_ “You’re proposing to me. On a rooftop. In the middle of Gotham. In costume.” _

 

_ Pause. _

 

_ “Of course I’ll marry you, you idiot. But I hope Dick proposes better than Nightwing, because Barbara might not agree with such a tactic.” _

 

_ “You know you love me.” He said, a wide grin on his face.  _

 

_ “Unfortunately.” She laughed, shooting a grapple to another building. He let out a similar laugh, and followed close behind. _

 

_ “Dick!”  _ The man’s voice snapped him back to reality, Batman was kneeling besides him, but why was he looking up?

 

That was when he became aware of something behind him, and realized he was on the floor. He let out a soft groan as his head throbbed and instinctively looked straight up.

 

Right at Batman.

 

He froze, tensing up. He soon relaxed, able to calm himself because the eyes were masked. They were just white spots on black fabric. He could look at them. There was no need to panic. Still, he looked away as he got up into a sitting position.

 

“What happened?” He softly inquired.

 

“You froze before falling. I managed to catch you.” Bruce told him. He wasn’t Batman right now; Batman didn’t show emotions like the man in front of him was right now. “Are you okay, Dick?”

 

“Thanks.” He muttered, uncomfortable and ignoring the question. He got up, stumbling slightly. He still wasn’t used to his short legs. He purposely looked just next to his mentor, trying to see how close he could look without panicking. 

 

“Has this happened before?” Batman was back, his voice emotionless.

 

“Sort of.” He admitted quietly, fidgeting. “I get... bits of memories. Like flashbacks.” He looked down, “I get them whenever I’m reminded of the simulation. Like….when I’m near people who…” He trailed off.

 

_ “Shhh, Tim. It’s okay. Even superheroes have nightmares. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.” _

 

He guessed Batman must have nodded, "You don't have to see Manhunter until you're ready." Batman told him,  "And it remains your decision to tell the Team or not."

 

He gave a small nod and Batman hesitantly left the room. The Dark Knight obviously wanted to comfort him, but knew it would do more harm than good at this point. He probably feeling awkward around him, since he was now technically mentally older than him by just under ten years. He was technically more experienced, yet he was thirteen years old.

 

Once he was alone, he managed to calm himself. He departed the room, opting to leave his cape behind (because, honestly, it did more harm than good). He made his way to the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water and catching the time on a small clock that read 7:39. He had woken up three hours prior and got a total of four hours sleep.

 

He placed the now empty cup in the sink just as Aqualad walked in. He inwardly cursed, not expecting anyone to be up yet.

 

“Hello Robin.” The Atlantean greeted him. He forced a fake smile on his face and returned the greeting. He was anxious to leave the room.

 

_ “Aqualad - Kaldur’ahm - was our leader. He was the best. He was patient enough to deal with all of our shenanigans and was always polite - even when disagreeing with someone. He was a great strategist and someone you could trust to hold your back in a firefight. When he was so skilled using his water bearers it was like a deadly dance.” _

 

“Are you okay, my friend?” He looked at Aqualad - Kaldur, as he preferred off-mission - but avoided meeting his eyes. Unlike Batman, his would not be masked. "If you do not mind me asking, where is your cape?"

 

"I left it in the gym. It was getting in the way and I forgot to put it back on." He lied. "I'll get it later." He turned, about to exit the room when he felt a webbed hand on his shoulder.

 

He turned, looking anywhere but Kaldur's eyes. "My friend, I have noticed that something has been troubling you as of late. The entire Team has taken notice. May I inquire as to what it is?"

 

"It's nothing Kal," he gave an obviously fake smile, "I gotta go. See you later." He practically ran out of that room. He sighed, walking down the hallways aimlessly. 

 

"Robin." It registered slightly after he heard the voice that yes, they were referring to him. He turned, making sure not to meet Black Canary's eyes. "I take it Batman informed you of our sessions together."

 

He didn't act like he was okay like he did with Kaldur. He gave a small nod, and Black Canary led the boy into the therapy room. "Now remember, if you ever feel like I'm pushing you too hard just tell me. You don't have to answer anything that makes you uncomfortable." She told him as they sat in their respective chairs.

 

He nodded, looking at his hands in his lap. She took this as a sign to continue, "Batman tells me you get something like a flashback when you are reminded of something in the stimulation."

 

_ "Don't give me that look, Dick, I know you have nightmares about the Invasion. No one can blame you, but if we are going to protect Gotham together we should be honest with one another." _

 

"Yeah." He said, "I get flashes of memory."

 

"And when was the last time this happened?" She inquired.

 

"Right after you told me that Batman told you about them." He answer. He was looking down, but he could still tell she was surprised.

 

Black Canary thought for a moment before switching topics. "Can you tell me what happened when you first woke up after the explosion?"

 

He recounted everything he could remember in a quiet voice. And he hated himself for it. He hated being weak. He hated being timid.

 

When the session was over, he caught the time once more. The clock now read 9:30 and he could hear Artemis and Wally arguing from the kitchen.

 

He plastered a smile on his face, "Hey guys." He greeted casually as he entered the room. The whole team was now present.

 

“Yo Rob!” Wally sped right next to him, “Could you please tell the replacement archer here that yellow is better than green.”

 

_ Replacement. _

 

_ “Hey Replacement!” _

 

_ “Don’t call Tim that Jason.” _

 

_ “Fine. Hey Replacement!” _

 

_ “It’s okay Dick. He’ll never stop. What do you want, Jason?” _

 

“Eh. Blue is my favorite.” He inwardly cursed as soon as he said those words.  _ Nightwing’s  _ favorite color is blue, but  _ Robin  _ preferred red.

 

Wally looked at him surprised, “I thought you liked red dude!” He noticed M’gann looking at him confused out of the corner of his eye and quickly looked away. She had probably sensed his troubled mind.

 

He shrugged, forcing his mouth into a lopsided grin. “Blue is better for stealth. I still like red though.” He brushed it off easily.

 

“Hey Boy Wonder.” Artemis called his attention over to her, “Where’s your cape?”

 

A bit of panic flashed through him, and he masked it too late. “In the gym. I left it there earlier and forgot to go get it.” He shrugged.

 

Conner looked at him and said bluntly, “You’re hiding something.”

 

_ “You’re hiding something.” He looked at the girl next to him. “Babs…” _

 

_ She gave him a smile, “I wouldn’t say  _ something _ …” She had a mischievous glint in her eyes before yelling, “Stephanie!” _

 

_ A young, blonde girl ran into the room, skidding to a stop right in front of them. “Dick, this is Stephanie Brown. Stephanie, this is Dick Grayson. Stephanie is my new protégée and my adoptive daughter.” She told nonchalantly. _

 

_ He looked up incredulously in stunned silence, “You...Batgirl…” He shook his head, shaking himself out of his stupor, “I shouldn’t be surprised. First you disappearing, then the rumors…” He sighed, before smiling down at the girl, “Welcome to the family, Steph.” _

 

He turned away from the concerned Team, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” His voice cracked and he fled the room. It was so much easier before he told someone what was wrong. Before he let himself remember what he had experienced. Before everyone else recovered from their trauma. He could vaguely hear someone chastising Conner for being so blunt, but he didn’t care.

 

He stalked down the halls, no destination in mind. He heard the sound of rushing footsteps that could only come from a speedster. Before he could do anything, Wally was in front of him, a concerned look on his face.

 

“Dick...are you okay?” He asked. He knew the other boy was just being a good friend, but he wished that he would just be left  _ alone. _

 

_ “Are you okay?” Tim asked him. _

 

_ He smiled, but it was a tight smile. A fake smile. “I’m fine.” _

 

_ “I didn’t ask if you were fine, I asked if you were okay.” The young boy pointed out. _

 

_ He frowned, “They mean the same thing.” he told Tim, but he shook his head stubbornly. _

 

_ “No. Well, not to you. When you say ‘fine’ that means something is actually bothering you and you’re worried. When you say ‘okay’ it means that you are not exactly happy but you’re not unhappy. ‘Fine’ is bad, while ‘okay’ is acceptable.” The boy explained, before asking again, “Are you okay?” _

 

_ He smiled at the boy, his worries going away for a moment. “Now I am.” _

 

“I’m fine.” He gritted out, looking away. “I wish people would stop asking that.” 

 

“Clearly you’re not. You just zoned out there for a second. We should tell Bats.”

 

“He already knows.” He told him, walking away, “Just leave me alone.” he called, not looking back.


	5. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s fine SB.” He gave him a fake smile. “I gotta go. Don’t want to keep BC waiting.” he was about to head towards the therapy room before saying, “Superboy.”
> 
> “Yeah?”
> 
> “Can you, umm…”
> 
> “Not tell the others?” He guessed.

“Robin.” He heard M’gann’s timid voice and ceased training. He turned to face her, not meeting her eyes. It had been several days since his first session with Black Canary, and each time he told her something that happened. There was no rhyme or reason to their sessions, he would just start talking and just open up. He had only told her about what had happened directly out of the explosion, and none of the more... _ sensitive  _ topics.

 

“Yeah?” He asked, an air of false cheerfulness around him as he gave her a fake smile. All his smiles were fake nowadays.

 

“I was wondering if you wanted to come to a Halloween party at Happy Harbor High. I’m inviting the whole team.” She then rushed to continue, “You don’t have to decide now! I - just - uh - you can just show up tomorrow, here at the Cave, in costume if you want to.” She finished awkwardly.

 

“Thanks M’gann. I’ll think about it.” He assured her, and seemingly okay with his answer she left the room.

 

_ Tomorrow is Halloween?  _ He had forgotten what day of the week it was, as well as the month. It had been April in the simulation before he woke up. He knew it was October but he wasn’t aware of the actual date. 

 

_ Halloween. _

 

_ “Dick?” The man in question looked up to see Damian hesitantly entering the study. He was slightly surprised that he had called him by his first name, but didn’t show it. Maybe it was a sign that Damian was growing up and socially improving. _

 

_ “Yes Damian?” He asked as the boy sat besides him. _

 

_ “Brown said Halloween is coming up.” He looked at the older boy with curious eyes, “What is Halloween?” _

 

_ He gave a small start of surprise, “Well…” He explained to the boy what the holiday was. He was surprised in the boy’s interest in the topic, but was grateful for a chance to bond with the boy. He had been feeling like he had been neglecting him lately in civilian form. They still went on patrol together, but it wasn’t the same. _

 

_ And when Damian fell asleep next to him, he was even more grateful. He’d have to remind Barbara to go easy on Stephanie later, for the girl had given him a great gift. _

 

He turned, preparing to leave the room and head to his session with Black Canary. Before leaving, he made sure to clasp on his cape. He still didn’t like it, but he would wear it to dodge questions for now.

 

That was until he could don his Nightwing costume once more.

 

He heard someone up ahead, and he soon found himself face to face with the young kryptonian.

 

“Robin.” The boy said, coming to a halt. He stopped in front of the clone, looking directly  _ next  _ to his face. “I...uh, I wanted to say I’m sorry for what I said the other day.” He apologized awkwardly. He knew it probably took a lot for him to say that.

 

“It’s okay Superboy.” He looked down, “I uh,” He stumbled over his words, unsure if he actually wanted to say it or not, “I’m actually heading to a therapy session with Black Canary. I have been for awhile now. I haven’t exactly gotten over the simulation.”  _ Over the thirty years of my life that are gone. _

 

Superboy looked surprised, before quickly looking embarrassed, “Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

 

“It’s fine SB.” He gave him a fake smile. “I gotta go. Don’t want to keep BC waiting.” he was about to head towards the therapy room before saying, “Superboy.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Can you, umm…”

 

“Not tell the others?” He guessed.

 

He nodded, biting his lip. “I don’t want to be pitied and I don’t want M’gann to feel bad. It wasn’t her fault.”

 

Superboy nodded, and he knew those words would make him keep the secret. It was no secret to him that Superboy and M’gann were in love, and Superboy would do anything to protect her.

 

He turned away from the other boy, a pang going through him. He forced the memories away as he went to meet Black Canary - or as she wanted him to call her in their sessions, Dinah. He had already been aware of her identity, but had still referred to her as Black Canary while in the Cave.

 

“Welcome back, Dick.” That worked both ways, for she knew his identity as well. He gave her a polite nod, sitting down in his usual chair. “Dick.” She reminded him, and he met her eyes. He would always not look at her at the beginning, but she would make him. He had to get used to meeting people’s eyes. “Is there anything you would like to talk about?”

 

He bit his lip indecisively. Should he tell her about how much he truly changed? How much he had to change to protect the defenseless, "It was a bit after I recovered from the explosion." He stated quietly, the only other sound in the room from the waterfall. Dinah gave him an encouraging smile and he forced himself not to look away, "Batman was gone so I just…gave up being Robin. I didn't quit crime fighting, I just changed my name and costume to something new."

 

"And what was your new name?" Dinah asked carefully, not wanting to push him too much.

 

"Nightwing. It was after an old Kryptonian story Superman told me once."

 

_ "Nightwing huh? I like the name. Did you think it up?” _

 

_ “No, it was from a story that...Superman told me when I first met him.” He shifted awkwardly, “What are you changing to?” _

 

_ “Arsenal. Black Canary would always joke about how archers carry an ridiculously large arsenal of different arrows. I know it’s stupid, but it just popped up one day-” He rested a hand on Roy’s shoulder. _

 

_ “I don’t think it’s stupid.” He said, and when Roy looked up he saw complete understanding in the other vigilante’s eyes. _

 

“Roy did something like that too.” He added, only half aware of what was coming out of his mouth, “Arsenal. It was after something you said once about archers having a ridiculously large arsenal of different arrows. We both just couldn’t…” He trailed off. He took a deep breath.  _ Just pretend you’re talking to Barbara. Or Roy. Or Jason. Or...anyone else.  _

 

_ He lagged slightly behind as Damian walked awkwardly up to Tim.  _

 

_ “Drake?” He asked, not meeting the other boy’s eyes. _

 

_ “Yeah?” Tim looked up from his laptop, obviously expecting another insult or complaint. _

 

_ “I wanted to say…” He mumbled something unintelligible. _

 

_ “Damian.” He called from the doorframe. His tone was serious, but his eyes glittered with amusement. _

 

_ Damian sent him a scowl, before looking back at a confused Tim. “I’m...sorry about my comments earlier, Drake.”  _

 

_ “What?” Tim asked in disbelief, giving them both a surprised look. Damian was never good with apologies, but it seemed that someone was attempting to rectify that. _

 

_ Damian glared, slightly embarrassed, “I will not repeat myself.” _

 

_ “Well, um, it’s no problem Dem-Damian.” He corrected himself quickly. If Damian was trying to be nicer (even though he was obviously being forced to apologize), then he would stop provoking the assassin. _

 

“My Nightwing costume was black, with a blue bird on the chest. I ditched the cape, which is why I’ve been stumbling around with it for awhile.” He played with the fabric in his hands, “I had gotten taller also.” He added awkwardly.

 

Dinah gave him a warm smile, which reminded him of how Barbara would smile whenever he did or said something stupid.

 

_ “Stephanie? Where are...oh…” Barbara looked to see Stephanie sitting on the shoulders of her boyfriend. Neither had noticed her as she watched from the doorway. _

 

_ “Okay, Steph, now just flip like I showed you.” He encouraged the younger girl. _

 

_ Stephanie looked indecisive for a moment, “What if I hurt you?” _

 

_ “Don’t worry,” He assured her, “Just flip when I say go. Ready?”  _

 

_ Stephanie got into a crouching position, managing to stay balanced on his shoulders. _

_ Three...Two...One..FLIP!” _

 

_ Stephanie flipped backwards off of the vigilante’s shoulders, but not before grabbing them with her hands. The purpose was for her to get the momentum to flip the older boy. _

 

_ And it worked. _

 

_ He landed with a thud on the mat, and Stephanie rushed over, “Did I hurt you?” _

 

_ He gave her an easygoing smile, “No. You did great.” _

 

_ She smiled, practically radiating excitement. It was then that Barbara made herself known. “Are you trying to steal my partner?” She teased. _

 

_ Stephanie bounded over to her, “Did you see me?” She asked excitedly. _

 

_ She smiled at the girl, “I sure did kiddo. Who knows? Soon you might be able to do that  _ and  _ throw him into a wall.” _

 

_ “Babs…” _

 

_ “Hey, you wanted to teach her the technique in the first place. I’m just helping her reach her full potential.” _

 

“I think that’s enough for today.” Dinah cut in, and he gave a nod. He had been getting more memories than usual today. Maybe it was the holiday, or maybe he just didn’t try to block them out anymore. 

 

He didn’t know or care.


	6. Division - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as he managed to get his breathing under control, a sharp pain stabbed him in the stomach. He let out a cry of pain, clutching his stomach as he fell to his knees. He was aware of some people yelling and talking, and he could make out blurry figures that were his teammates.
> 
> Then the scene changed. It was small and quick, but it was there. He wasn’t looking at the Team (and Zatanna), but rather Batman, Red Tornado, and Zatara. It was blurry, but he could definitely make out their figures. He squeezed his eyes shut, before opening them to see his Team looming over him.
> 
> He closed his eyes again, not feeling strong enough to look at all of them in the eyes. “What...happened?” he groaned.

“Did you get everything?” He heard his mentor ask M’gann as he shifted anxiously. Conner and M’gann had just arrived back at the Cave via bioship and he was there to help unpack the boxes they had arrived with, which contained new training equipment for ones that were outdated or broken.

 

“Everything on your list, Batman,” The Martian told him as she levitated two boxes, “plus groceries.” She added, placing the box down.

 

“Cookie fixins?” Wally asked excitedly as he peered into the box of food.

 

“Snickerdoodles.”

 

“Babe,” Wally looked up dreamily, “you rock my world.”

 

He made his way over to a crate, cutting open the tape on it easily with a birdarang. He was anxious by being around so many people who had perished during the simulation. Bla-  _ Dinah  _ had told him he should try to do it more and get used to it, but he was still uneasy.

 

Kaldur came over to rip the lid off of the crate when he finished with the tape. He gave him a nod and a small “Thanks.” without meeting his eyes. 

 

He carefully unpacked the box, when he heard a crash and a familiar voice yell “DAD!”

 

He spun, his birdarang in his hand and ready to throw, but there was no enemy.

 

There wasn’t any adults either.

 

The box Zatara had been lifting was on the ground in pieces, its contents spilling out. His eyes traveled to the source of the shout.  _ Zatanna. _

 

His breathing picked up. Zatanna was there, not as Doctor Fate and Batman and the other Leaguers were  _ gone. _

 

_ Gone. _

 

_ “We are Earth’s heroes now.” Kaldur said firmly. _

 

_ “Then what are we waiting for, a theme song?” Conner asked, irritable and itching to get into the action. _

 

_ “A strategy. Earth’s weapons are ineffective, and it has been made tragically clear a direct attack will not succeed.” _

 

He took a mental breath, calming himself slightly. This could not -  _ was  _ not - another simulation. He would  _ never  _ agree to that, and neither would Batman or Black Canary.

 

Just as he managed to get his breathing under control, a sharp pain stabbed him in the stomach. He let out a cry of pain, clutching his stomach as he fell to his knees. He was aware of some people yelling and talking, and he could make out blurry figures that were his teammates.

 

Then the scene changed. It was small and quick, but it was there. He wasn’t looking at the Team (and Zatanna), but rather Batman, Red Tornado, and Zatara. It was blurry, but he could definitely make out their figures. He squeezed his eyes shut, before opening them to see his Team looming over him.

 

He closed his eyes again, not feeling strong enough to look at  _ all  _ of them in the eyes. “What...happened?” he groaned.

 

“I dunno, they just disappeared and then you just collapsed.” Wally informed him, “Dude, you okay?”

 

“I have a killer headache.” He admitted, standing up and opening his eyes. “But other than that I’m fine.” He looked around the room, “The real question is: Where is the League?”

 

**====================**

 

He tried to ignore the girl working with him. Zatanna was easier, yet harder to deal with than the others. 

 

He had decided to hang back and coordinate from the Cave while trying to find a way to bring back the adults. It was just his luck that Zatanna had made the decision to stay with him in case he collapsed again.

 

“Kid Flash: What’s your status?” He asked, setting up a comm. link with the young speedster.  _ Pretend like you’re talking to Bart.  _ He told himself as he forced away the memories. He couldn’t afford to freeze up now. 

 

_ /We’ve set up a refugee center at the highschool gym. Any luck with-> _

 

“No.” He him off, knowing and not wanting to hear the end of that sentence. “I can’t reach the Batcave, the Hall of Justice or the Watch-” He cut himself off, reminding himself that Zatanna didn’t know about the orbiting satellite yet, “Or any adult hero. Even Ar-  _ Red Arrow.”  _ He quickly corrected himself once more.

 

_ /I guess we’re on our own. Kid Flash out.\  _ He severed the comm. link.

 

“Traditional media is offline,” He stiffened at her voice. How long had he heard it without Nabu speaking with her? “but kids worldwide are all posting the same thing. Every adult eighteen or older has...disappeared. The sorcery necessary to pull this off?” He felt her eyes on the back of his head, “Scary big.”

 

“And we need  _ you  _ to find it’s source.”  _ Because the technology here is so outdated and we don’t have Doctor Fate.  _

 

“How am I-” She started, but he cut her off once more.

 

Steeling himself, he pulled up some old (or maybe it was recent, he couldn’t tell anymore) security footage. “I pulled this footage. It’s your dad helping us locate Wotan and the Injustice League.” His eyes traveled to the Joker, reminding himself that the psychopath was alive in this world. The clown had been killed in the Invasion when he took the chaos as a cover for his escape from Arkham Asylum. That was, at least, what they assumed when he went missing and never stirred up any more trouble. It had been a relief in a way; he didn’t believe that he could take on the clown every time he escaped without Batman being there.

 

On the screen, Zatara raised his hands in front of a holographic map of the world. “Etacol retnecipe fo yrecros!” ( _ Locate epicenter of sorcery!) _ The man yelled. “There.” he said as the map began blinking on the location of the Injustice League.

 

“But the - the words, that’s only part of it.” She stammered, making him flinch slightly as she walked up behind him. “The rest takes training and - Robin, I’m just not on Zatara’s level.”

 

He turned, making himself imagine that she had somehow gotten the helmet off. This was Zatanna. He knew Zatanna. She was a League member with him. She was his friend. A fellow survivor.

 

“I know it’s hard,” He said, his voice adopting the sympathetic yet encouraging tone that Dinah used with him during therapy. He gave her a small smile, “but try to stay whelmed.” The word seemed foreign on his lips. He hadn’t used his made up words in years. “We’ll find you dad, Batman, all of them. That’s what we do.” 

 

The young magician gave him a nod and a smile, not realizing that he was trying to convince himself as well that everything was going to turn out okay.

 

Zatanna left to prepare herself for the locator spell, and he distracted himself on the computer before Wally and Kaldur came to put out an official message to the world. He  _ had  _ to distract himself. He couldn’t think about what Jason, or Tim, or Stephanie, or Damian would be doing right now. Was Damian even born yet? Did any of them - besides Tim, who was his neighbor - even exist?

 

**"Recognized: Aqualad, B02. Kid Flash, B03."** The computer announced.

 

The arrival of his two friends shook him out of his thoughts. "Everything's ready." He reported. "We are a go for streaming in ten. Get into position."

 

The three positioned themselves in the center of the hangar. A high-pitched beep sounded, signaling that the recording process had started.

 

“Attention, children and teenagers of Earth. I am Aqualad. These are my friends, Robin and Kid Flash.” Aqualad introduced calmly.

 

“We are using Justice League tech to cast and stream to every TV, radio, computer, and smartphone on the planet.” He explained, making his voice as calm and emotionless as his Atlantean friend. The technology would automatically translate their message into the language the majority of the population spoke in a designated area.

 

“We know you must be scared and angry. We know, with your parents missing, there is a temptation to run wild. But please, stay calm.” Kid Flash seriously told the world.

 

“We will find a way to bring the adults back." Aqualad assured, "But for now, the oldest among you must step up.”

 

“Take care of your younger siblings. Take care of kids who have no one.” He tried to not flinch at the reminder of his old family. Of his fake life.

 

“Protect them.” Kid Flash urged.

 

“It is up to you.” Aqualad finished. “Please, help in any way you can.”

 

A low-pitched beep sounded and the link was cut. The three heroes then glanced at each other in a hopeless way, like  _ What do we do now? _

 

When the other two departed the hanger, he was left alone with his memories.

 

A thought occurred to him, and he realized that - simulation or no stimulation - he was the most experienced. He could remember poring over books of spells for hours to see if there was a way to free Zatanna, only to be disappointed in the end. Disappointment surged through him; he should be better than this!

 

He clenched his fists and looked down. He opened his mouth to say something, when the pain from earlier shot through him once more. He bit his lip as he slowly sunk to the floor, hugging himself.

 

His vision wavered once more, and he could see Batman and Zatara walking out of the room seemingly discussing something. It was blurry, before suddenly becoming clear for a moment. 

 

He let out a muffled cry of pain and his lip bled from biting it. He clenched his eyes shut and used a breathing technique to calm himself (something that he had been doing far too often) before reopening them. He was back in the empty hanger, hunched over on the floor. 

 

He stood on shaky legs with his head pounding in tune with his heartbeat.

 

_ What's happening to me? _


	7. Division - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next few...was it minutes? Hours? He honestly didn’t know. What he did know is that whenever Captain Marvel - or Billy, as he was in his civilian, child form - switched between worlds he felt like he was hit in the head with Riddler’s cane. It was a dull, throbbing pain that quickly subsided between the Leaguer’s visits. But when the lightning came, the headache came as well.
> 
> He didn’t mention it to his teammates; they couldn’t be worried about him and focus on the task at hand, and the mission was much more important. So he simply clenched his fists and was thankful that he had gauntlets to protect his hands from his nails.
> 
> When they entered the bioship, he realized that this was his first mission since he had woken from the simulation. It would be the Team’s first mission since the failed exercise. Artemis and Zatanna had had a fight with a unique criminal in Manhattan on Halloween, and Superboy had teamed up with new gods from New Genesis right after the simulation, but this would be their first mission together.

An hour and a half later, Zatanna was finally confident enough to try the locator spell. 

 

“Are you ready?” Kaldur asked, placing a hand on the magician’s shoulder. She gave him a small - slightly hesitant - nod before he went back to join the rest of the Team.

 

_ “Are you ready?” He asked, looking at the young boy beside him.  _

 

_ “I...I think so.” Tim admitted, “It’s just so...weird. I’ve heard about Robin forever but…” He tugged on the sleeve of his costume. _

 

_ It was the boy’s first night out on the city as Gotham and he was nervous - who wouldn’t be? He was about to go headfirst into a new world, one full of criminals and heroes. He would be concerned if the kid wasn’t a bit anxious. _

 

_ “It’ll be okay.” Barbara - now Batgirl - assured him. “We’ll be here every step.” _

 

_ “She’s right.” He placed a hand on the young boy’s shoulder, “There’s nothing to be afraid of. The major criminals are locked up tight and we won’t take our eyes off of you.” He looked down at the boy and added softly, “We’ll protect you.” _ __   
  


_ “Thanks Dick.” He said, giving the man a smile. “Thanks Barbara.” _

 

_ “That’s Nightwing and Batgirl to you, rookie.” Batgirl joked, making the boy laugh. _

 

“Coordinates locked.” He reported, snapping back to reality. “Roanoke Island. You did it.” He drew a shaky breath, trying to dispel his last memory. He could focus on that later.

 

**==================**

 

Having something that they could possibly call a plan, the Team milled around the hangar as they attempted to iron out the details, still unsure of what exactly they were facing. Klarion was expected, but beyond that they had no clue.

 

That was until the lightning came, striking from out of nowhere into the center of the hangar, bringing a young boy - around Damian’s age, he noticed - with it.

 

“It works!” The boy yelled, looking at his hands in surprise.

 

“Who are you? How did you get in here?” Kaldur inquired, rushing forward with the rest of the Team to look at the mysterious boy.

 

“Quick, read my mind!" The boy said, completely sure of himself as he looked at M'gann. Her eyes glowed green as she obeyed the young boy’s wishes.

 

She gave a small gasp, “He’s Captain Marvel.” M'gann told them, her voice full of surprise.

 

“Yeah, and I’m Speedy Gonzalez." Wally said sarcastically, "Look, just because he’s Captain-”

 

“Geez Wally." The boy spoke up, surprising them all with his knowledge. "Do I really have to bring you nachos and pineapple juice to get on your good side?" He asked, making the Team look at each other. They would have to reevaluate now that a League member had come through. Now, they could communicate and coordinate their attack.

 

The next few...was it minutes? Hours? He honestly didn’t know. What he  _ did  _ know is that whenever Captain Marvel - or Billy, as he was in his civilian, child form - switched between worlds he felt like he was hit in the head with Riddler’s cane. It was a dull, throbbing pain that quickly subsided between the Leaguer’s visits. But when the lightning came, the headache came as well. 

 

He didn’t mention it to his teammates; they couldn’t be worried about him and focus on the task at hand, and the mission was much more important. So he simply clenched his fists and was thankful that he had gauntlets to protect his hands from his nails.

 

When they entered the bioship, he realized that this was his first mission since he had woken from the simulation. It would be the  _ Team’s  _ first mission since the failed exercise. Artemis and Zatanna had had a fight with a unique criminal in Manhattan on Halloween, and Superboy had teamed up with new gods from New Genesis right after the simulation, but this would be their first mission  _ together. _

 

_ “Dick, are you sure you’re alright?” Barbara asked, watching him hit the punching bag harder and faster. _

 

_ “No.” He admitted, sending one last punch at the defenseless bag. “But it needs to be done. The League needs a covert operations Team and they’re qualified.” He took a deep breath, “Jason’s qualified. I can’t hold them back. I know how they feel. I was  _ there _ , standing where they are standing now.” _

 

_ She walked closer, “But it’s not that simple. After what happened...no one would blame you if you canceled this whole operation.” _

 

_ “But I can’t.” He gave the bag another punch, watching as it swung back and forth from the momentum. He grabbed it and leaned on it, not looking at the ginger girl. “I remember that day. It was the four of us - Kaldur, Wally, Superboy and I - who started it. We were in the ruins of Cadmus watching as the League descended in front of us and berated us for our actions. But we told them. We told them that we did good work there. The work they trained us for. I remember as Superboy pushed himself to the front and looked at Batman and said “Get on board, or get out of the way.” And…” He let out a hollow laugh, “I remember looking at him like he was crazy.”  _

 

_ He knew he was rambling now, but he couldn’t stop despite how much he wanted to. “But it worked. We were given the Cave as a home and were introduced to Miss Martian - M’gann - as a fifth member. She baked cookies as a thank you for accepting her to the Team. They were burnt, but Wally stuffed his face with them anyway. God, he was such a flirt. He couldn’t see that she and Conner had been secretly dating. He was always too busy fighting with Artemis. She was Jade’s sister - you know, Roy’s girlfriend?” _

 

_ He didn’t look to see her nod “And…” He opened his mouth to continue but no words came out.  _

 

_ Only tears.  _

 

_ “God, I miss them.” _

 

“We’re here.” Miss Martian’s voice snapped him back, but it took him a second to register that that had been a memory of something that  _ wasn’t  _ real, and what he was doing now  _ was.  _

 

“You all know your tasks?” Aqualad asked, looking over. He gave a numb nod, in sync with the others. Aqualad nodded back in response, “Good. Go.”

 

He and Artemis were first on the ground, sneaking up behind the lord of Chaos. He made eye contact with her and silently nodded as she raised her bow. He grabbed several birdarangs and - in perfect unison - fired.

 

Klarion turned and created a shield of red energy. He gave them a smirk, “That’s the best you can do?” he asked evilly, raising his hand to send bolts of red lightning at them.

 

Before they could move, they were hit. He felt his body skid across the ground and let out a groan. He stood, and helped Artemis - who was lying a few feet away, up.

 

“Well that didn’t work. What should we do now?” She looked at Klarion, who was standing in a circle of runes with a red shield around him. Miss Martian, Aqualad, and Superboy were all attempting to penetrate the shield to no avail.

 

His hands immediately traveled to his escrima sticks. Electricity sometimes worked against magic, but he would need a high voltage. He cursed under his breath when he remembered that his escrima sticks didn’t have a function to electrify them. 

 

“Listen.” Kid Flash came up from behind Artemis. “When Fate possessed my body, he defeated Klarion by attacking the cat.”

 

Artemis raised her bow, nocking an arrow, “Good, not a big cat fan anyway.”

 

_ Because of your sister?  _ He instinctively thought, before mentally berating himself. He could focus on Artemis’ secrets later. 

 

Klarion raised a hand, turning the arrow into a green ball of string at the last second. “Show them what a familiar to a Chaos can do Teekl.” he laughed evilly, and the small cat turned into a giant monster.

 

“Great.” he muttered sarcastically as Superboy broke off to fight the giant cat-monster. Artemis and Kid Flash ran forward to help.

 

He moved to follow, but he felt a familiar pain in his stomach. “Not now.” He gritted his teeth as the world faded out. He saw Batman, stuck in a green plant that reminded him of fighting Poison Ivy. Red Tornado was battling a wizard who was shooting fire, while Zatara was floating above about to cast a spell. He threw lightning at the four wizards - one he could clearly recognize as Wotan. 

 

The lightning was absorbed by the crystal in the center of the wizards, and when he was brought back to reality he saw it coming for him and his teammates.

 

The world became fuzzy as he was sent flying backwards once again. He was vaguely aware of Artemis lying next to him and Zatanna standing near them, calling their names as he struggled to keep his eyes open.

 

He must have briefly lost consciousness, because the next thing he was aware of was a familiar dull headache and Billy’s voice over the telepathic link.

 

He cringed involuntarily at the voice in his head. When was the last time he communicated with someone telepathically? Martian Manhunter and Miss Martian had both been dead in the simulation, and there were no other telepaths in the League or Team.  _ [It’s the gem, in the center of the pentagram.]  _ Billy told them,  _ [Destroy it, and we win.] _

 

“That’s all I needed to know.” He turned to see Zatanna holding the Helmet of Fate.

 

His eyes widened in horror as he realized what she was about to do, “No Zatanna, don’t!” He shouted, scrambling to stand so he could get to her and stop her from making a horrible mistake.

 

She put on the helmet, just as he reached her, and he stopped realizing he was too late. It was all coming true. 

 

Zatanna would be trapped as Doctor Fate  _ again. _

 

She transformed into Doctor Fate, rising above the battlefield. “Klarion!” His gut twisted at the familiar sound of Zatanna and Nabu’s voices combined. “This ends now.”

 

_ [Billy, tell Zatara!]  _ Miss Martian ordered, and he received a headache as Billy Batson transformed into Captain Marvel once more.

 

Miss Martian telekinetically lifted an unconscious Artemis away from the battle as Nabu and Klarion began to battle. The Team - minus Superboy, who was still dealing with Klarion’s cat - wordlessly regrouped behind the line of dead trees, all knowing the extent of what just occurred moments earlier.

 

Aqualad and Miss Martian ran forward to help Doctor Fate while he checked Artemis’ pulse.

 

“Her pulse is steady and strong. She’ll be fine.” He told the speedster. He turned, standing from where he had been kneeling to feel the girl’s neck. Kid Flash gave him a nod, before superspeeding away, preparing to grab the gem the moment Klarion’s shield went down.

 

The fiery pain suddenly burned through him and he doubled over. He could see the adults fighting just as they were, and could see a partially translucent Doctor Fate hovering over them. 

 

“When the world’s divided, the helmet split too. You’re not all here Nabu.” He was aware of Klarion yelling.

 

_ You’re not all here.  _

 

That was it, he realized. He, like the helmet, was divided between worlds.  _ It makes sense. A mind of a forty year old and a body of a thirteen year old. I’m supposed to belong here, but I don’t completely.  _

 

He clawed at the dirt as the pain ran through him, very thankful for his gauntlets. When he settled back into the world he stood up once more, in time to watch as Klarion’s wall of magic fell and Kid Flash grabbing the gem.

 

“Doc, catch!” He shouted, tossing the gem up to Doctor Fate, who easily caught it. The lord of Order recited an incantation, and he suddenly felt  _ complete.  _ It was like he had been missing something and found it. The adults appeared, along with the four defeated wizards from their world.

 

Artemis stirred and he helped the green-clad archer up. “What did I miss?” She asked, wincing slightly.

 

“We won, but at a cost.” He told her, looking up at Doctor Fate.

 

“Oh no.” She muttered, and he nearly didn’t hear her as they moved forward to be with the others.

 

“Fate!" Zatara cried angrily as he walked forward, before composing himself, "Great Nabu, release my daughter.” he requested, a hint of desperation in his voice.

 

“No.” The cold, familiar voice made his blood run cold. "Witness the havoc wrought in these hours. The world needs Doctor Fate, and the girl’s natural affinity for the mystic arts makes her the perfect candidate.” Nabu explained without a trace of sympathy.

 

“You can’t do that!” Artemis cried out angrily.

 

“She has her own life to live.” He agreed with her, a cold feeling of dread running through him. This was his fault. If he hadn't been so stupid - so  _ weak _ \- he would have been more open with Dinah and Bruce and they could have prevented this. It was his fault. This was on  _ him.  _

 

_ If I had just been faster to get to her or strong enough to warn her or anybody, this wouldn’t have happened. _

 

_ But how was I to know the simulation had hints of what was to come in it?  _ A small voice asked him, but he shook it off. This was nobody’s fault but his own.

 

“Kent would never allow you -” Kid Flash yelled angrily, only to be cut off.

 

“Kent Nelson did object strenuously, so I released his spirit to the afterlife." Nabu interrupted him. "He is gone.” This made the speedster look down in honor of the old Doctor Fate.

 

“Take me instead." Zatara's words surprised them all. "My skills are already at their peak. My body is physically stronger, better to withstand the strain of your power.”

 

He looked at the magician and the Lord of Order in slight disbelief. Maybe the simulation  _ was  _ wrong. Maybe there was still a chance to save Zatanna. 

 

_ But even if there is, the cost is the same. A life for a life. Zatara being stuck as Doctor Fate is no better than Zatanna. _ He reminded himself

 

“All true." Nabu agreed. “But if I remove the helmet, what guarantee do I that you will don it?” He asked suspiciously.

 

“My word.” Zatara said, raising his hands in one last plea for his daughter’s life. _ “Ekat em daetsni.” _

 

Doctor Fate slowly glided down until they were facing the magician on the ground. Slowly, the helmet came off and Zatanna was standing there.

 

“Dad!” She cried happily.

 

“Zatanna.” He said her name with equal happiness, and also a hint of sadness as the father and daughter embraced. It was a heartwarming reunion, but they all knew the happiness wouldn’t last.

 

Zatara whispered something to the girl, kissing her forehead while taking the helmet from her hands. “Take care of my girl.” He said, turning towards the Team and the present members of the League.

 

“You have my word.” Batman promised, and he looked down in shame, feeling guilty. He should have known this would happen.

 

Zatanna suddenly realized what was happening.  "No, please!” She begged, and it broke his heart to grab her to hold her back as she tried to make her way to her father as he put on the helmet. “This was  _ my  _ fault!” She cried, shaking him off. “Dad, don’t.  _ Dad _ !" 

 

It was too late, however, for Zatara had already put on the helmet. Her father was gone, trapped as Doctor Fate.

 

_ I’m so sorry, Zatanna. This is all my fault. _

 

**====================**

 

The Team was helping Zatanna move in the next morning. Well, the Team besides him. He couldn’t face her. It was his fault she was now an orphan.    
  
So here he sat, in another one of Dinah’s counseling sessions.

 

“It was like this in the simulation. It was the same, but Zatanna was trapped as Doctor Fate in a different fight against Klarion.” He looked down at his hands. “I knew, and I said nothing. How can I face her knowing that I could have saved her father?”

 

Dinah leaned forward, “It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known.” 

 

“But I still could have said something!” He cried, clenching his fists. “If I hadn’t been so...so  _ weak.  _ So  _ fragile  _ about the simulation Zatanna would have her father now!” He yelled angrily before his voice died down, “I was right there. If I had been faster…”

 

“Dick, it’s not your fault.” She gently told him. “Even if you had told someone, Zatanna made her own decision in the end, and so did Zatara. She was prepared to sacrifice herself to save the world, and he was prepared to sacrifice his freedom to save her.”

 

“It’s not your fault.”

 

But, despite whatever Dinah said, he couldn’t get rid of the  _ guilt  _ he felt. 

 

Despite whatever anyone said, he would always know - deep down - that it was his fault.


	8. Accepting Leadership

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re not running.” She told him, before leaving the comment alone. “Aqualad’s too busy to go on this mission. That will make you leader.”
> 
> No emotion passed over his face, but he froze. He hadn’t lead a team since the Invasion unless you counted patrol in Gotham. He disliked giving orders, and if he ever had to he placed them as suggestions so whoever he was talking to could refuse.
> 
> Leader.
> 
> “Robin.” He felt Black Canary shake him slightly, forcing him out of the grasp of the memory that was about to come up.
> 
> “I’ll be fine.” The lie tumbled out of his mouth before he even registered anything. He knew for a fact that he would be the exact opposite of okay.

He was officially diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) a few days later. 

 

Dinah said he had probably originally gotten it during the Invasion or sometime after, and it had lingered inside his head during the simulated years and was now showing up in reality. It had been agitated when he woke up and realized that part of his life was fake, That was why he was getting the flashbacks, the  _ nightmares _ .

 

That was why he was in the therapy room, where he spent most of his time besides aimlessly walking through the halls of the Cave or training. He had been particularly tempted once to hack into public records and look up Stephanie, Jason, or Damian. 

 

But, in the end, he couldn’t.

 

For one, Stephanie might be off the grid due to her father, Jason would be on the streets, and Damian wouldn’t have been born yet.

 

The real reason was that he couldn’t take the answer. If they did exist, they wouldn’t be the same people he once knew. If they didn’t, then there wasn’t a chance they could ever become that person to him.

 

So he resisted the temptation, spending the day trying to either forget it ever happened or pretend it was all real. He was stuck between those two choices. Two worlds.

 

Wally’s birthday had came and gone, bringing up more unwanted memories and fake smiles. He hated himself for not being able to help his friend enjoy his sixteenth birthday, but it was just too difficult to smile and pretend like everything was okay.

 

He was tired of pretending. Tired of lying. Tired of smiling like everything was dandy and that nothing was wrong.

 

Because something  _ was  _ wrong.

 

_ /Robin, Kid Flash, Superboy, Miss Martian.\  _ He tensed when he heard Batman’s voice over the loudspeaker.  _ /Report for mission briefing.\ _

 

He clasped his cape on as he left the room. He had been getting better with moving in it, but preferred to be without it. After he exited however, he way was soon blocked by Black Canary.

 

“Robin, I just want to make sure you’re up for this.” She said to him softly, “If you’re not ready yet, you don’t have to go.”   
  


“I have to go.” His voice was quiet, “I-I can’t keep running forever.”

 

“You’re not running.” She told him,  before leaving the comment alone. “Aqualad’s too busy to go on this mission. That will make  _ you  _ leader.”

 

No emotion passed over his face, but he froze. He hadn’t lead a team since the Invasion unless you counted patrol in Gotham. He disliked giving orders, and if he ever had to he placed them as suggestions so whoever he was talking to could refuse.

 

_ Leader. _

 

“Robin.” He felt Black Canary shake him slightly, forcing him out of the grasp of the memory that was about to come up.

 

“I’ll be fine.” The lie tumbled out of his mouth before he even registered anything. He knew for a fact that he would be the exact opposite of okay.

 

Black Canary looked at him for a moment before replying “Okay.” In a tone that said that she didn’t believe him, “But if anything happens, don’t be afraid to call. Nobody would blame you if you had to leave the mission. Don’t push yourself unnecessarily, you have nothing to prove.”

 

He gave her a small nod, before moving to make his way to the mission room. His footsteps were silent on the cold floor and he didn’t look up until he took his place next to Conner and M’gann, Artemis and Wally coming in a few seconds later.

 

“Rumaan Harjavti is the democratically-elected leader of Qurac,” his mentor started, his gruff voice echoing throughout the Cave as he pulled up several pictures on the holographic computer in the mission room. “Harjavti has been praised as a fair, wise leader, a humanitarian.” His eyes flickered to the recording that popped up of Bruce Wayne and Rumaan Harjavti shaking hands. 

 

“Surrre.” Wally had a mischievous smile on his face as he turned towards him, “Any friend of Bruce Wayne’s.” He stage whispered, and he would have glared at the speedster if he hadn’t been filled with dread.

 

Batman ignored Wally as well, “But five days ago, Harjavti allied himself with the dictator of the neighboring nation Bialya, Queen Bee.”

 

“Not a fan.” Conner grumbled.

 

“Few are.” Batman didn’t miss a step, “But Harjavti suddenly backs Queen Bee’s baseless claims that Qurac and Bialya were one nation in ancient times and has announced the countries will reunify in a ceremony in Qurac.” 

 

A recording appeared on the screen of Harjavti at the Qurac democratic palace in the country’s capital, Dhabar.  _ “After the ceremony, I will step down as president so that our rightful monarch, Queen Bee, may rule.” _ He narrowed his eyes at the large image of Queen Bee with a dove (the symbol of peace, which was ironic) in the background. Harjavti was going over the top to announce his sudden loyalty to Queen Bee.

 

The footage switched to Queen Bee in the Royal Palace at Al-Qawiyah (the capital of Bialya). _ “I laud President Harjavti for unifying our peoples, and I will gladly come to Qurac to be granted sole leader of our nations.”  _ Queen Bee said, smiling for the cameras, but he could tell even through the footage that she had something to do with from her facial expressions and body language.

 

“And the Quracics are okay with this?” Wally asked, slightly indignant. 

 

“Hardly.” Batman told him, bringing up pictures of both peaceful and violent protests, “They’re well aware of the brutality of Queen Bee’s regime, but Harjavti has censored the press, silenced all legitimate protests, and invited the Bialyan military into his country to enforce martial law.”

 

“Queen Bee could be controlling Harjavti.” M’gann offered tentatively, “She has the power to enthrall most men.”

 

“And some women.” Batman agreed before cutting her idea down, “But not long distance, and we have confirmation she hasn’t left Bialya. Something else is at work here. Find out what.” A brief look of hesitation crossed over Batman (not that anyone but him would be able to recognize it) before the Dark Knight said, “Robin, you’re team leader.” He looked up from the ground and gave his mentor a small nod.  _ It’s fine.  _ He told him, silently communicating with his eyes in the way they could.  _ I’ll be fine. _

 

“Sweet! Premotion!” Wally cheered, and he gave the speedster a hesitant high five.

 

_ It’s not really going to be that sweet, Wally. _

 

**===============================**

 

**  
** “We’re right above the Quraci-Biaylan border.” Miss Martian reported as the bioship flew closer the ground in camouflage mode.

 

“A border that the Biaylans are in the process of ignoring.” Kid Flash added, watching as two tanks ran over the fence that marked the border with just over a dozen soldiers. The nearby group of previously grazing wildebeest were startled by the commotion, and began to stampede.

 

“No opposition.” Superboy noted, as the bioship flew in closer, “I guess Harjavti really is in bed with Biayla.”

 

“I wouldn’t expect opposition here. It’s an animal sanctuary.” He noted, before reading closer.

 

The  _ Logan  _ Animal Sanctuary.

 

Probably where  _ Garfield Logan aka Beast Boy  _ was.

 

Yeah, this was not going to be a “sweet” mission by any standards.

 

“The  _ Logan  _ Animal Sanctuary?” Miss Martian repeated his thoughts outloud, and for a brief moment he toyed with the idea that she read his mind.  _ No, she’d have a different reaction. _

 

“You’ve heard of it?” He inquired, curious to see what she knew.

 

Unfortunately, Kid Flash interrupted them. “Guys, the tanks have caused a stampede,” He could almost hear Artemis berating the speedster for pointing out the obvious. “with civilians in harm’s way!”  _ Okay, didn’t realize that last part. _

 

“I see them. Woman and a small boy.” Superboy reported, looking out the same window as Kid Flash.

 

_ A small boy? Could that be Garfield? It would be before he became Beast Boy, because I think Superboy would have mentioned something about the boy being green. _

 

“We have to help them!” Miss Martian said, and looked at him.

 

Oh right.

 

_ He  _ was the leader.

 

He pushed away the anxiety and the discomfort. There was no place for that on a mission. “Deploy, but use stealth mode. If the Biaylans know we’re here this causes an international incident.” He was proud that his voice didn’t waver.

 

They nodded, and Miss Martian sent the first blow by shooting the tanks with the bioship so that they crashed into each other. Using the smoke as a cover, they quickly departed and began taking down the soldiers so fast that they didn’t see or know who was attacking.

 

_ [Superboy, Miss Martian, the civilians.]  _ He pointed out that the stampede was about to reach the woman and her child.

 

_ [On it.]  _ Superboy said, and he leapt into the air to land directly in front of the pair.

 

He had to turn away, not able to see what happened next, to sneak behind a soldier and knock him out cold with a chop to the nerve cluster on the back of his neck.

 

After he placed  the soldier near some of his buddies who were retreating so they could collect him, he made his way silently behind the pair to realize, with sinking dread, that that was definitely Beast Boy.

 

He stared for a second, before asking, “Are you both alright?” just as Kid Flash zoomed next to him, removing his goggles.

 

Garfield smiled excitedly and turned to his mom, “Mom, mom,  _ mom!  _ We just got saved by  _ Robin  _ and  _ Kid Flash!”  _ That was definitely Garfield.

 

_ “You’re Robin? That’s so cool!” Beast Boy told Tim. “Can you do that trick to disappear randomly? Is your favorite color red - y’know, like a robin? How cool is it to work with Redbird, Batgirl and Nightwing? Are you good at acrobatics? Can you hack really well? Is Gotham really as bad as everyone says?” _ __   
  


_ Tim looked at him who was standing behind the green changeling with a smirk on his face as the boy rattled out question after question, going on and on how cool it was that he was talking to Robin. _

 

_ “Help?” Tim mouthed, and Beast Boy was too busy to notice. Tim wasn’t the best in social situations, he had noticed. He smiled to himself; perhaps the Team could rectify this. _

 

_ Nightwing put a hand on Beast Boy’s shoulder. “Slow down.” He told the younger boy, and Tim let out a sigh of relief. _

 

_ “Then you can ask your questions.” He added, before leaving his protégé with that excited, talkative boy. The last thing he saw as he shut the door was Beast Boy resuming, albeit slower than before, and Tim’s horror filled face.  _

 

“We diverted the Biaylans around the sanctuary.” he spoke up, noticing that Garfield was now hugging the oryx that Miss Martian rescued, who had joined them along with Superboy.

 

“Uh, yeah, coast is clear Miss M. You can decamo now.” He was slightly startled when Kid Flash said that to realize that Miss Martian had been camouflaged, and it was just his extensive training that allowed him to see her. Kid Flash probably had sensed her through their link.

 

Miss Martian removed her hood and became actually visible. “H-hi.” She stuttered, and in that moment he realized that the red-haired woman (that was probably Garfield’s mother) and Miss Martian looked exactly alike besides the skin tones.

 

_ What are you hiding?  _ Miss Martian was a shapeshifter who acted like she knew this woman perfectly, yet Garfield’s mother didn’t look like she had ever met the martian.

 

“You may have made things worse.” Miss Martian’s lookalike said, “Bialyan border crossings are a way of life here. Usually they wreck a few fences and move on. Engaging them might have made us a target.”

 

She was right, of course, but they didn’t have an alternative. It was either leave them to be trampled, or risk putting them in a spotlight. It was decision, and he had chosen the latter.

 

Another thing he didn’t like leadership - choices where there might not be a right and a wrong.

 

“Mom.” Garfield whined, “Uncool.”

 

She sighed, “I’m...sorry. I should thank you.” She moved over and placed a hand on Garfield’s shoulder, “This is my son, Garfield. I’m-”

 

“Marie Logan.” Miss Martian interrupted excitedly, causing all eyes to go to her. “I can’t believe I’m actually meeting you in person. Uh, I’ve…” Miss Martian realized her mistake and hastily attempted to cover it up, “I’ve admire your stance on animal rights for years.” she settled on.

 

_ [You’ve only been on Earth six months.]  _ Superboy pointed out, and Miss Martian quickly looked away, blushing.

 

_ Back for a few weeks and the Team is already covered in secrets. Artemis is probably still insecure about Cheshire and Sportsmaster. M’gann is clearly hiding something about Marie - Beast Boy’s mother of all people.  _

 

_ And then there is me. _

 

“The boys can bring the animals to the clinic. You and I can - uh - fix your fences.” He tuned back into the conversation in time to hear Miss Martian say that.

 

“Uh, we’re not exactly here to-” He started, but was cut off.

 

“Please Robin.” Miss Martian begged, and Garfield asked the same of his mother.

 

He sighed, exchanging a look with Marie.  He didn’t want to force a teammate to do something they didn’t want to do, or object to them doing something they  _ really  _ wanted to do.

 

“Fine.” He and Marie said simultaneously. 

 

_ And maybe, just maybe, I can figure out what M’gann is hiding. _

 


	9. The Almost Fatal Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He ran towards the barn, managing to open up the door to let all the animals run out without being shot.
> 
> Easy.
> 
> He began to run back towards the house.
> 
> That was when the barn exploded.

“Hey! Get it off!” Kid Flash yelled as a small monkey jumped on his shoulder, climbed around on him for a moment, before leaping onto Garfield’s shoulder. Except now, the monkey was clutching a prize: Kid Flash’s protein bar.

 

Garfield laughed a painfully familiar laugh, “It’s okay.” He told them, “Meet Monkey.” Monkey took a bite of the protein bar, causing Kid Flash to glare at him.

 

“Good name,”  _ Says the guy who named a wolf “Wolf”,  _ “but I hate monkeys.” Superboy told him disapprovingly.

 

Monkey, sensing the insult, tossed the protein bar which hit the Boy of Steel in the forehead. Superboy glared and growled at the monkey, which screeched back at him.

 

“Looks like Monkey hates Superboys.” Kid Flash commented, a smirk on his face, “But Dude - just be glad he only threw a protein bar.”

 

“Hmph.” Superboy simply crossed his arms and looked away in response. Garfield took that as a sign that the conversation was over and he continued to lead them into the house. 

 

He glanced around the living room, and sat down on a chair closer to the door and farther away from Garfield. Kid Flash set next to him, while Superboy just stood in the middle of the room, facing the boy at the front.

 

“So,” Garfield started conversationally, “pretty weird about Miss Martian and my mom, huh?”

“What do you mean?” Superboy asked, slightly confused. He noted how the clone immediately stopped pouting and perked up at the mention of the martian girl.  _  Could he be anymore obvious? _

 

“I mean she looks  _ exactly  _ like Marie.” He pointed out, and he inwardly nodded, slightly surprised Garfield had noticed it before Kid Flash or Superboy.  _ He always was observant. _ He thought, a small pain shooting through him. “You know, except greener.”

 

“She does?” Kid Flash asked, his face lighting up in realization.

 

“Well duh, especially back when mom was a TV star on  _ Hello, Megan! _ ”

 

_ And the mystery continues. _

 

“Wait, ‘Hello Megan’ is a TV show?” Kid Flash asked.

 

“I just thought it was something she said all the time.” He remarked, the words coming out of his mouth of their own accord. With Garfield there, a reminder of a life that was never lived, he found it easier to open up, as if he was back in the simulation.

 

_ Maybe this won’t be such a bad mission after all. _

 

_...I probably just jinxed it. _

 

“Yeah,  _ on  _ the TV show. Way before we were born. Only one season. You can’t even find it  _ online _ .” Garfield informed him, saying that last fact with disbelief. The boy turned and began having a staring contest with the cabinet underneath the television. “I know mom has a tape somewhere.” he mused quietly. 

 

As the boy began digging through the old tapes, dust flying upward. He heard Kid Flash mutter to Superboy about something, but he ignored it. Instead, he watched his old (would it be old, if it never actually happened?) teammate deep in thought.

 

_ Didn’t Beast Boy get his powers when he got sick of some deadly animal disease? And his mom injected him with animal DNA because the cure was fatal to humans, thus giving him his powers. _

 

_ And here he is on an animal sanctuary… _

 

_ “Hello, Megan!: The Pilot Episode.”  _ He heard Garfield read triumphantly, and he looked up to see Garfield blowing the thick layer of dust off of the tape before inserting it into the VHS player.

 

“Woah,” Kid Flash looked at the piece of equipment, “You still have VHS. Where’s your 8-Track?” He remarked jokingly.

 

Just as the copyright information began to play, Superboy turned suddenly. “Wait. Aircraft; headed this way.” 

 

Superboy ran towards the door, with Kid Flash behind him. 

 

He stood, “Gar, stay put.” He ordered, flinching inwardly when he used the boy’s old nickname before moving to follow his teammates. He paused in the doorway, a thought occurring to him as he looked back at the eight year old.

 

_ Beast Boy never followed orders in the beginning. _

 

He cursed underneath his breath as he rushed towards the younger boy just as he exclaimed, “The animals! We have to get them out.”

 

“I’ll do that.” He assured the boy, knowing that if he didn’t, the eight year old would. “Where are the animals?”

 

“Follow me.” Garfield began running towards the back door, but he caught the boy’s shoulder and gently turned him back around so they were facing each other once more.

 

“ _ Tell _ me where.” He expanded on his previous statement.

 

“The barn.” Gunfire sounded from outside. He cursed inwardly once more.

 

“Okay.” He said, thinking quickly before unclasping his cape, “If you stay here, you can keep this.” He told Garfield, whose face lit up as he handed the cape over.

 

“I’ll stay! Promise!” The boy nodded eagerly and he smirked slightly on the inside.

 

_ Bribery. Always works.  _ He mused as he turned and opened the door.

 

He ran towards the barn, managing to open up the door to let all the animals run out without being shot.

 

_ Easy. _

 

He began to run back towards the house.

 

That was when the barn exploded.

 

It was thankful that he was a fast runner, being the protégé of Batman (he would never get used to the sound of that. Batman was  _ dead),  _ so he managed to get a safe enough distance away that the actual blast only knocked the breath out of him. He hissed as a shard of wood embedded itself in his leg, and another in his back.

 

Taking a deep breath and blocking out the sounds of explosions, gunfire, and yelling, he concentrated on turning from his position in the dirt and examining the wound. The simple action made him let out another hiss of pain but he managed to accomplish the task. 

 

The debris was lodged in his thigh, and he couldn’t just take it without it splintering and causing more damage. Blood was beginning to leak out. He couldn’t tell anything about the other wound, but he guessed that it was about the same. 

 

He could feel that there were small pinpricks down the back of his arms and back, but they would just be small splinters - nothing to worry about yet.

 

He - carefully, so not to further aggravate his wounds - began to move back so that he was lying on his stomach. This way he would minimize blood loss because gravity would be working with him.

 

Plus, he doubted he would be able to get up.

Lying there in the ruins of the barn, a thought came to him.

 

_ Garfield.  _

 

The boy would have been caught in the explosion. He wasn’t as fast, as focused as he was. He would have hesitated after releasing the animals, if he had even made it that far before the gas tank was hit.

 

_ I just almost condemned an eight year old boy to death. _

 

_ I just almost killed another teammate. _

 

_ But you didn't,  _ a part of him whispered.  _ You didn’t make the same mistakes. _

 

_ You didn’t fail. Not this time. Not when it counted in real life. _

 

“Robin!” In a blur of yellow, Kid Flash was beside him. “Dude - are - you - okay - we - saw - the - explosion - and - oh - my - God - are - you - okay?” Was asked so fast that he could barely make out what the speedster saying. “You’re - bleeding!”

 

“I didn’t know that.” he mumbled sarcastically, a headache that wasn’t there before began throbbing, making it hard to think clearly. “Gar-field?” he asked, stumbling slightly over the name.

 

“He’s fine dude. We found him sitting in the room clutching your cape. What was that about?”   
Kid Flash asked as he carefully picked him up. He knew he was trying to keep him talking - keep him awake.

 

“Bribery. Eight year olds...don’t do...orders.” He muttered sleepily. The wound on his back must have been worse than it seemed. 

 

He never remembered closing his eyes.

 

_ He slowly became aware, but didn’t open his eyes. He heard footsteps, voices - where was he? What had happened? _

 

_ He did a mental check over his body and his memory came back in bits and pieces. when his shoulder began throbbing mercilessly. _

 

_ Dent. Warehouse. Goon. Gun. Shoulder. _

 

_ Ouch. _

 

“Oh God.”

 

_ “When will he wake up?” He heard Damian ask, his voice unusually quiet and timid. _

 

_ “Don’t worry Damian.” He could hear Stephanie soothe the boy. Another unusual thing - Stephanie and Damian getting along. Well, Damian getting along with anyone besides him and Barbara. “He’s strong. Before you know it, he’ll be up and mother-henning us. Like always.”  _

 

_ “You did not answer the question,” Damian didn’t snap, instead his voice had worry in it. _

 

_ He heard a familiar sigh - Tim. Wait no. Tim was in Jump. Why would he be in Gotham? Had something else happen? Had Jason or Barbara been hurt? Or one of the Team or League? “That’s cause she doesn’t know, Damian.” _

 

_ “None of us do.” Jason. Jason was also there. Why?  _

 

_ Before he could crack open his eyes and demand what crisis or imminent threat they were up against this time, he heard someone shift in a seat right next to him. “He’s waking up.” Barbara said softly, smothering what Damian might have said next. There was a tense silence in the room and he hesitantly opened his eyes. _

 

“Robin?” A strange, yet familiar voice called, and he ignored it.

 

_ “Welcome back to the land of the living." Barbara said softly, a smile on her face and a hint of tears in her eyes. What had happened while he had been out?  _

 

_ "Dick!" Tim yelled, and in an instant Tim, Jason, Stephanie, and Damian were also crowding around him. They were all in civilian clothes, which made him more curious.they couldn't possibly all be here...for him? _

 

_ He attempted to sit up, but Jason gently pushed him back down, careful not to touch his newly-bandaged stitches. _

 

_ "Don't." The vigilante warned, "You might overexert yourself." _

 

_ "Never stopped me before." He retorted, but didn't attempt to sit up again. He shifted carefully so he could see Barbara better. The question was silent, but Barbara could easily see it in his startlingly blue eyes. _

 

_ "Thirty six hours." A day and a half. That was how long he had been out for. _

 

_ He gave a nearly imperceptible nod, but they all - being highly trained in the art of perception - caught it. They also caught the flash of emotion that ran through his eyes briefly, but only Barbara and Jason were able to recognize the emotion, for they had known him the longest. _

 

_ Realization. _

 

He could faintly hear a small gasp and someone else saying...something. It sounded foreign to his ears. He mentally  pushed it away; it didn’t belong here.

 

_ "You guys came to Gotham from Jump and 'Haven…for me?" He asked disbelievingly. He was surely wrong. He was just being selfish. He couldn't possibly that important… _

 

_ "Of course." Tim said, his tone suggesting that he was surprised that he was even thinking that they weren't there for him. _

 

_ A warm feeling spread through him; they really came all this way for him? Jump City was all the way on the other side of the country, and he had barely held a conversation with Jason in what seemed like forever.  _

 

_ He gave a smile at his teammates, his friends, his  _ _ family _ _. “Thank you,” he murmured, “for coming.” _

 

_ Jason gave him a grin, “Next time you want us to visit, just call.” _

 

He could feel himself waking up. He knew it was just a dream, just a memory of the way things used to be. 

 

That didn’t stop him from clinging tightly to it, trying to grasp that picture of the five of them standing over him.

 

_ No...don’t leave me Jason. Don’t go Tim! Steph! Please come back Damian! _

 

They all slowly faded, until he was left looking at the red-haired girl beside him, who was smirking. 

 

That was, until she was consumed by consciousness too.

 

_ No! Barbara! I love you! Babs! Barbara!  _

 

_ Barbara? _


	10. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They nodded, perfectly believing him as he completely lied through his teeth, manipulated his thoughts and facial expressions, and carefully controlled his emotions. He was a living a life that had been lost long ago, and no one knew how much it hurt to do it. He just wanted to go back! Back to when everything made sense. He didn’t care if it was before the simulation or during, but either was preferable to what was happening after.

Consciousness snuck back in silently. He was too busy in his mental cries that he didn't notice the light that seeped through his eyelids and the soft fabric of the pillow beneath his head. He let out a low groan as he opened his eyes, still half in the world of dreams, until adrenaline and panic shot through him.

 

_ Barbara.  _

 

He sat up quickly, not recognizing his surroundings or remembering what had happened at first. He was covered in sweat and was panting, as if he had awoken from a horrible nightmare. It was only when pain arced down his back and his leg and his whole body ached did he remember and lie back down. His heart was still pounding and his body hurting, but now he was mentally aware and competent. He (much slower and with much more care than before) sat up so he was in a sitting position and looked around the room.

 

He knew that he should probably alert his Team that he was awake so they wouldn’t further worry, but he didn’t want to see them. The memory he had dreamed up of when he had been stabbed by one of Two-Face’s goons had been so  _ vivid  _ he had thought it was real, and being reminded that it wasn’t  _ hurt. _

 

He gasped in a few more ragged breaths, before his breathing went back to normal. His mouth was dry and his throat was scratchy, but he ignored the discomfort. As he mentally replayed the events in his mind. His last memory was Wally carrying him carefully before he completely succumbed to unconsciousness.

 

_ Is Garfield okay? _

 

_ “He’s fine dude. We found him sitting in the room clutching your cape.” Wally told him.  _

 

That was before he passed out. That meant the boy had taken the bribe. He let out a relieved sigh, he  _ hadn’t  _ condemned the boy to certain death. 

 

He realized too late, however, that his mental distress would be felt by a certain green-skinned telepath. The wooden door soon opened, with Marie and Miss Martian in front.

 

“Robin!” Miss Martian cried happily, moving so she was next to him, allowing Superboy, Kid Flash, and a wary Garfield to also enter the room.

 

As Marie fiddled with the equipment nearby (he hadn’t even noticed the low-pitched beeping sound of the heart moniter), Kid Flash asked him, “Dude! Are you alright?”

 

He gave a weak smile with what little emotional energy he had left, “Yeah KF. Feeling the aster.”

 

“You’re lucky,” Marie spoke up, “You suffered from minor shock, which quickly wore off, surprisingly. You just managed to avoid a full blood transfusion, only needing a plasma transfusion - which is lucky because I kept my blood supply at the clinic, but I had some plasma in storage here. You needed a total thirty stitches, as well as treatment for other various cuts and bruises.” She seemed to be in doctor-mode, her face a serious calm. “It was touch and go for a while there.”

 

_ Not the worst I’ve gotten. Bad, but…  _ An image of Garfield lying the rubble of the explosion, his body broken and lifeless sent a shiver up his spine.  _ Could have been worse. _

 

He nodded, knowing that he should give some sort of response, but he couldn’t think of what would be typical for his old self to do in this situation. Would he be emotionless? Would he crack a joke, easing the tension? Would that come off as too immature? He didn’t know.

 

Marie let a thankful smile come over her face, “Thank you.” She said softly, gratefulness clear in her voice.  He gave her a nod and a smile, signalling he knew what she was talking about.

 

“Thank you, for patching me up.” He said kindly, hoping that wasn’t too out of character, but not entirely caring. He was getting tired of putting up a facade of being someone else who had died long ago.

  
She gave him a smile, before leaving the room, guiding Garfield out as well so they could talk alone. The silence, at first, was awkward. Miss Martian, Superboy, and Kid Flash shifted uncomfortably, not knowing what to say first and who should say it.

 

It was Superboy who broke the silence, when he asked, straight and to the point, “Why’d you do it?”

 

He gave a small shrug, “If I hadn’t, he would have. And if he had…” he trailed off, the whole room knowing what could have happened if he hadn’t gone to let the animals out. It was funny how such a small thing could make such a big difference.

 

“But you couldn’t know that.” Kid Flash pointed out.

 

He gave a slight nod, before saying, “Well, yeah. But I couldn’t know that he  _ wouldn’t  _ do it the second our backs were turned. I was not going to let a eight year old walk right into the line of fire. Kids don’t take orders.”

 

“That’s what Marie said.” Miss Martian agreed, before a look of realization flashing through her arms that made him wary, “How did you know that though, and why do you say it like that?”

 

“Like what?” He had made a mistake, he sensed, and he struggled to keep his mental balance, especially because the telepath was getting suspicious.

 

“Uh, dude, ‘kids don’t do orders’, you do realize you are  _ thirteen,  _ right?” Kid Flash pointed out, and he inwardly cursed but managed to scoff and make his tone hold humor.

 

“Uh, you do realize KF, that normal thirteen year olds do  _ not  _ work with Batman.” He mentally congratulated himself.  Perfect excuse. He was Batman’s partner, and Batman was, well,  _ Batman.  _ The others didn’t know that him - the old him - wouldn’t occasionally say something that Batman would say (he could picture Bruce as a ten year old, calling other kids his age children like he was already in his thirties).

 

They nodded, perfectly believing him as he completely lied through his teeth, manipulated his thoughts and facial expressions, and carefully controlled his emotions. He was a living a life that had been lost long ago, and no one knew how much it  _ hurt  _ to do it. He just wanted to go back! Back to when everything made sense. He didn’t care if it was before the simulation or during, but either was preferable to what was happening  _ after. _

 

“We found out that Psimon has been controlling Harjavti.” Kid Flash  reported, and he nodded.

 

“Makes sense.” He agreed, “He’s the only one who could influence Harjavti for Bialya, with Queen Bee having an alibi.”  _ Psimon. I definitely jinxed it earlier. _

 

"But how can we get him away from Harjavti?" Superboy questioned, making him think for a moment.

 

“I have an idea.” He said to his friends as one formed in his mind. He then began explaining it to them, wondering what would they would think of it. 

 

**======================**

 

_ [Harjavti’s alone.]  _ He reported, and one by one (him last, since they were worried about his injuries. He’s done more with worse but he couldn’t necessarily tell them that) they entered the dark room.

 

Harjavti was simply staring out the window, in a trance like state before he turned to them. “Where’s my daughter?” He asked, emotionless, before he pressed a hand to his head and asked wearily, “Where’s Psimon?”

 

“Forget him. Let’s get you out of here.” He said to the man, and - of course - it was at that moment Bialyan guards came in with seemingly alien weapons. One man in particular moved so he was at the front of the group.

 

“Well well well, American heroes here to assassinate the president.” he tutted, and he was dimly aware of Miss Martian sneaking behind the man in camouflage mode. “Such a shame we arrived too late to stop them.”

 

Realization flowed through him.  _ [Those are Apocolytan weapons.]  _ Superboy reported.

 

_ [Which they’ll use to kill Harjavti. We get blamed, and Queen Bee gets to rule Qurac.]  _ He said grimly, moving so he was in a better position to fight.  _ [Form up around the president.] _

 

_ [I found Psimon!]  _ It was only through their mental link that he was aware that Miss Martian had left the room.

 

_ [Wait.]  _ This was  _ not good. _

 

_ [I’ll get her.]  _ Superboy started to move to plow through the soldiers to get to the door.

 

_ [No! Rob’s injured, and I can’t take out all these guys alone. Miss Martian has proven that she can handle herself against Psimon.]  _ Kid Flash told Superboy, and he let some of his annoyance leak through the psychic link. He  _ hated  _ feeling weak.

 

Before he could properly reply however, the guards began to shoot at them. He nimbly dodged the red discs that were buzzing with electricity, glad that he had left his cape with Garfield. He then leaped over the desk to fend Harjavti from two soldiers who had been preparing to kill him.

 

It was lucky for them that the soldiers seemed to have little practice with alien technology, and that the weapons seemed better suited for an outdoor, open-area combat. Not close combat with people who could fight back.

 

As he launched a bola at the last enemy, he was briefly aware of a younger woman enter the room and run over to the Quraci president. She bore a notable resemblance to Harjavti.  _ Must be his daughter. _

 

“Thank you for saving my father.” She told them gratefully, confirming his thought, “We will take care of him now.”

 

They nodded, and without another word ran out the door to find their missing teammate.

 

_ [M’gann, we’re coming!]  _ Superboy mentally yelled to the absent Martian girl as they ran down the hallway. One of the doors was ajar and they could see movement inside, so they barged in.

 

Instantly, a splitting headache erupted in his head and he fell to the ground, yelling in pain along with the Team. 

 

_ Psimon! _ __   
  


Their yelling soon ceased at they slipped into unconsciousness. He gritted his teeth and forced the pain away. He had experience - too much experience - with Psimon in the simulation. He knew how to counter the quick but brutal brain blast.

 

“...brain blasting your own Team…” Psimon’s cruel, taunting voice sounded in his ears, and horror flowed through him.

 

_ It had been M’gann who had attacked them. _

 

Psimon said something else, and his vision began to fill with black spots. His head was turned away from the wall, so he couldn’t see either M’gann or Psimon anyway.

 

“ _ No!”  _ M’gann’s terrified shout was the last thing he heard before he blacked out.

 

**======================**

 

Slowly, he began to awaken once more. The stitches on his back and leg screamed in protest when he stood, and he was forced to lean on the cracked wall behind him.

  
  


“And… _ there’s  _ the headache.” Kid Flash groaned as he stood up as well, but his eyes drifted toward the Martian who was helping up Superboy instead of the speedster.

 

_ M’gann. She did this. Why?  _ He narrowed his eyes at the young green girl, but she didn’t notice. “Psimon?” Superboy asked questioningly.

 

Her face hardened slightly as she hesitated, “He brain blasted you.” She lied, “I stopped him.” She glanced off to the side and he could see a catatonic Psimon lying in the ruins of the room.

 

That was something else out of the ordinary. M’gann rarely escalated the fight to that level. Then again, M’gann rarely attacked  _ them. _

 

_ Psimon did something. He provoked her. Showed her something she didn’t want to see. _

 

_ But what? _

 

**==========================**

 

“Sorry you had to lie to everyone like that, but I couldn’t think of any other way to convince the public Queen Bee was behind this.”  He offered the apology to the Martian girl as she shape shifted back into her normal, green-skinned self.

 

"Dude! Saving a country. Pretty big accomplishment for your first time as leader." Kid Flash elbowed him in the ribs gently.

 

“Yeah thanks.” He managed to get out before the realization hit. He had been  _ leader.  _ He had lead his once-thought dead friends on a mission, and he hadn’t failed.

 

_ I did something right as leader. _

 

No flashbacks (unless you count the dream), no freezing up, no  _ deaths. _

_ I did it. _


	11. Confusion and Connections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was still hesitant about leaving the solitude of his room, but the sheer unfamiliarity of it combined with his only half awake mind (he was not a morning person, simulation or no simulation) forced him to retreat to the also-unfamiliar-but-easier-to-deal-with hallway of the cave.
> 
> He took a deep breath before hesitantly making his way through the halls of the Cave, trying to wake himself up. He hated the morning. It was the most painful time of day. He could handle everything better when he was awake and aware.
> 
> He didn't have a clear destination in mind when he left his room, but soon he found himself in a room that got increasingly more familiar everyday.
> 
> The therapy room.

_ "Hey Tim!" He greeted the boy, "What brings you the bright and cheery place of the Batcave?" He gestured to the dark, somber looking cave around him. _

 

_ Tim gave him a grin as he lowered the cowl on his Red Robin uniform. "Here on business. There is this villain in Jump who has ties to Gotham. Mind if I check it out?" Tim asked, even though he knew he would be allowed to. _

 

_ "I don't mind at all." He then donned a mischievous grin, "Do you want to say hi to Stephanie first? She's upstairs with Barbara." _

 

_ "Dick, we broke up two years ago. We are just friends." Tim reminded him. _

 

_ His teasing attitude was not deterred, however, "And there is no problem saying hi to friends. You can say hi to Barbara too. And Damian." _

 

_ "I need coffee or sleep. Or both. I do not need to talk about my relationship - or lack of - with Stephanie or talk to the Demon child." Tim groaned. _

 

_ He let out a laugh, "Okay. Then let's say hi to Barbara then get you that coffee. I know you well enough to know you will not go to sleep tonight." Without waiting for a reply, he swiftly exited the room, heading to the house above them. _

 

_ "You said Stephanie's with Barbara!" Tim called, his voice echoing throughout the cave. _

 

_ "Exactly!" _

 

He opened his eyes and blinked, disoriented. He finally squeezed them shut, clenching the covers of his bed tightly. 

 

_ Every single time _ he woke up, he was confused. He always expected to be in Wayne Manor, with the sounds of Barbara clicking away on her laptop and the smell of freshly roasted coffee in the air. She always got up earlier than him.

 

He groaned once more as he attempted (and failed) to change his train of thought before he hesitantly got out of bed, trying not to look at his room too much.

 

He was still staying at the Cave overnight, but he knew that he would have to go back to school soon. The excuse of being sick only lasted so long without raising suspicions.

 

He was fine to continue his schooling, even though he technically already got a degree (he did an online college, because he was too busy with everything else). 

 

The problem was  _ Barbara. _

 

_ "Morning Babs." He greeted as he entered the kitchen and landed a quick peck on the girl's cheek. _

 

_ "Morning Dick." She replied, briefly taking her eyes off of the laptop in front of her. "Late night?" She guessed. “I mean you’re up later than usual.” _

 

_ "Yeah, and I have to head over to the office in an hour." He sighed. The rich-boy personality had been getting harder to put up lately, but it had to be done. “Besides, not everyone can get up at an unholy hour like you. The rest of us have to sleep more.” _

 

_ "I'm jealous," Barbara said sarcastically, a grin on her face as he poured his cereal. "Coffee is in the pot." She called. _

 

_ "You, Barbara Gordon, are a goddess." He called back. _

 

_ "You'd say that to anyone who made you coffee." She accused playfully, and he shrugged, flashing her a grin. "Also, Jason called. Apparently the League wants you, him, Donna and Raquel to go on a mission tonight. Think you can handle it?" She teased. _

 

_ "Well I can't deny Jay the pleasure of my company.” He said happily, pouring his coffee into a dark blue mug.  _

 

_ “Tell them I'm game."  _

 

He grabbed his forehead, cursing under his breath. The memories always were worse when he was waking up. Today, unfortunately for him, was a bad day to wake up. The memories were particularly strong today, for some reason. He didn’t know either way, or necessarily care. It just was.

 

After the mission in Bialya, after seeing Garfield in this world, the real world, for the first time, he thought he would get better. Some part of him did gain confidence with the successful mission, but that didn’t mean the flashbacks or the nightmares or his overall fragileness lessened, much to his annoyance.

 

He just wanted everything to go back to the way it was. He said that to himself constantly.

 

The problem was, he didn’t know if he meant before or during the simulation.

 

He also didn’t know if the two words were more intertwined than he or anyone else realized. He knew Tim existed (his parents were very much alive and lived right next to Wayne Manor) and now Garfield. Who else really existed? And would they follow similar paths or deviate entirely?

 

On some level - some part of him that must have gone completely insane with all that had happened - it was amusing. It was funny how one choice, one simple, seemingly unimportant choice - for them to go through a training simulation or not - could completely change his life. Turn it upside down and leave him not at all like the person he used to be.

 

Now, he could barely remember what was going on or how he should act to avoid suspicion. Well, more suspicion than what he already had received.

 

The first time he saw Wolf, he did a double take, wondering how an animal could have wandered into the Cave. Then he remembered - in bits and pieces - the mission with the Brain and Mallah and how Conner had saved the beast and named it oh-so creatively. 

 

He tapped his fingers against his leg, wondering if it would be safe or not to leave the room and not run into anyone. It was Thanksgiving, and he knew, even if no one told him, that he should go to the Manor this afternoon for dinner with Bruce and Alfred. He could handle that. He had to. 

 

Bruce had been so lenient with him, so careful to allow him to heal in his own time. He could tell that the man who was the only father figure in his life wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be okay, but frankly, neither of them knew if it would ever be okay or not again. He knew that it probably hurt the man to see him like this. He  _ had  _ to be there for him, show him that he was getting better.

 

Even if he wasn’t, and it was just a lie.

 

Sighing, he quickly changed out of his pajamas and into some jeans, a red shirt, and a dark blue sweatshirt. He easily found his sunglasses, and put them on as well.

 

He was still hesitant about leaving the solitude of his room, but the sheer unfamiliarity of it combined with his only half awake mind (he was  _ not  _ a morning person, simulation or no simulation) forced him to retreat to the also-unfamiliar-but-easier-to-deal-with hallway of the cave.

 

He took a deep breath before hesitantly making his way through the halls of the Cave, trying to wake himself up. He hated the morning. It was the most painful time of day. He could handle everything better when he was awake and aware.

 

He didn't have a clear destination in mind when he left his room, but soon he found himself in a room that got increasingly more familiar everyday.

 

The therapy room.

 

Officially, it was called the conference room, but the only conference that ever went down was usually Dinah and him talking about how he was emotionally fragile.

 

_ Good times.  _ He thought sarcastically as he hesitantly walked into the room. The only sounds he could hear were the water rushing from the water fall and his own breathing. Other than that it was eerily quiet.

 

He quietly shut the door, mindful of how early it was in the morning. He didn't want to wake Superboy, who had the unfortunate power of super hearing.

 

The room seemed weirdly different without the comforting prescience of Black Canary. It wasn't a bad different, necessarily, just different.

 

_ But, then again, what isn't different? What doesn't seem foreign to me now? _

 

He was just so sick of being confused. Of being weak.

 

His feet carried him to his normal seat, and he just sat there. 

 

He just  _ sat  _ there.

 

The water trickled down the rock wall to his right, but he was staring at the wall directly across from him.

 

He was  _ sick  _ of being confused.

 

But was he going to do about it?

 

_ “This is useless!” Jason cried and he eyed the bola the younger boy had thrown, which had missed its target by a few feet. “I can't throw this stupid thing.” _

 

_ “Struggling is okay. You'll get better at it with practice.” He assured him. _

 

_ “That's what you said last time.” _

 

_ “Because it was also true last time. And it will be true next time.” He sighed, “Jay, you aren't throwing a baseball here. It's going to be tough.” _

 

_ “Tough, or impossible?” Jason grumbled as he went to retrieve the bola.  _

 

_ “Nothing is impossible in our line of work.” He said knowingly. _

 

_ Jason angered depleted a bit, but was still present, “I still don't understand this thing! I'm not able to throw it good enough for it to be of any use except maybe as a distraction.” _

 

_ He placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder, remembering a time when he was that short. It felt like a lifetime ago. “Jason, you can't throw a bola perfectly accurate a day after you started. Are you going to just quit this whole thing because you can't do it now? Or are you going to do something about it?” _

 

_ Jason considered his words again, before sighing and getting in position to throw the bola once more. “I'm going to practice until I get it right every single time.” he said, a new fire in his eyes and a determined tone in his voice. _

 

_ He let out a smile, “That's the Jason Todd I know.” _

 

He jolted awake, and realized with surprise that he must have drifted asleep.

 

The nightmares must have been taking a bigger toll on him than he had realized. But now, thinking about it, he couldn't remember the last time he got a solid five hours of sleep since the simulation. The rest of the night was his mind drifting between simulation and reality, thinking of all that could have been and all the what-ifs. 

 

A thought sprung to life inside his head, and a small but genuine smile appeared on his face as he mentally connected the dots between the Team and his (sadly simulated) family.

 

_ Jason would so be Artemis. Both tough, with rough backgrounds and generate the I’ll-kill-you-if-you-tick-me-off aura, but still kind towards those they love and gentle when needed. _

 

_ And Stephanie is basically M’gann. Both bright and bubbly but can still be serious. _

 

_ Tim is Kaldur. They are both calm, collected, and great tacticians as well as fighters. _

 

_ Conner...Conner would most likely be Damian. Both the quiet type, and seem meaner than they are until you get to know them. Damian had kind, gentler side, that he hid in fear of being rejected for it. Superboy is constantly being rejected by the man he wants to view as a father figure, which just makes him go deeper into a shell of anger. They are both great people, just have bad circumstances about their birth that make them hide who they really are. _

 

_ And Barbara… _ His smile died at the thought of the red-haired girl,  _ Barbara would tell me to stop moping around. _

 

The smile came back, because that was so her. He could imagine her saying those exact words.

 

_ “Get up and stop moping around, Wonder Boy, there's work to be done.” _

 

_ And she's right.  _

 

He took off his sunglasses and rubbed his eyes, wishing once more that things could be simpler. He sighed as he placed them back on, before departing the room. He wasn’t consciously aware of where he was going, but as his feet carried him to the zeta tubes and his fingers hovered over the numbers on the keypad, he knew. He just knew.

 

_ He was done running. _

 

He tapped the numbers that he had long since memorized and closed his eyes as the machine whirred around him and the computer called out, stating his departure.

 

When he opened them he was somewhere else. Somewhere excruciatingly familiar, but he pushed that pain aside. No turning back now.

 

He took a few steps forward hesitantly, before beginning to move quicker. If he slowed down then he might stop. He didn’t give himself the time to change his mind.

 

He easily scaled the staircase and - after typing a password - entered the manor above the Cave.

 

Alfred was there, dusting while he was alone in the house. The old man turned, curious to see who it would be. Bruce was being Batman doing something with the Justice League up in space.

 

Alfred didn’t expect to see him.

 

“Hey, Alfred.” He said awkwardly, forcing himself to meet the man’s eyes. He pushed away all the doubt, uncertainty, and the memories of the past. 

 

Alfred smiled kindly, hiding the surprise he undoubtedly had, “Welcome home, Master Dick. I hope you’ll be joining us for dinner.”

 

“Of course.” 

  
_ This is what Barbara would want. _


	12. First Day Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry, Bruce bought you a new one.” She gave him a smile, “I’m happy you’re back.” She admitted, before looking at something over his right shoulder. “Someone’s not going to be as forgiving as I am.”
> 
> He turned to see Barbara who was walking towards them.
> 
> Seeing her, walking with her normal confident - but not prideful - stride that had each step emanating both fury and power, her shoulders set and her face in a fierce scowl, a grin came over his face.
> 
> And he fell in love with her all over again.

He slept in the manor that night.

 

And the next.

 

It was weird, being in his old room after so long. In a way it was oddly comforting. The room itself had hardly changed - he had changed rooms in the manor in the simulation soon after the Invasion, for fear of unwanted memories. It was ironic, how the fear of the memories then held them at bay now.

 

There was a downside; something that ran unspoken among the three members of the house but still there and visible to them all.

 

He was going to have to go back to Gotham Academy.

 

_ I’m ready.  _ He told himself as he clutched the sinktop, staring into the bathroom mirror at the boy who was too young to be him. His hair was gelled back neatly - something his hands had remembered to do and performed of their own accord - and he was wearing his school uniform.

 

_ You got this.  _ That was what he had assured himself repeatedly. What Alfred and Bruce thought, and showed through little actions. The encouraging look Bruce gave him. The comfort food Alfred had prepared him for breakfast.

 

_ They wouldn’t make you do this if you weren’t ready.  _ He told himself, but he was still unsure. It had been so long for him since he had them in his life. Years. He had a great memory and remember what they looked like and their personality, but he didn’t remember enough  to be absolutely certain that they wouldn’t push him a bit. Test how far he could go without breaking down.

 

_ You’ve been through worse.  _ His mouth turned into a grim line and his face hardened at the memory. In the mirror, he realized that he looked so much older than thirteen.  _ I am older. I have lived thirty years more than I should have. _

 

_ And those years weren’t full of just happy memories. _

 

_ "Jason." he gasped out to Batgirl through the comm unit as he carried the boy to the Batmobile. "He got hit with fear gas. I...administered the...ant-antidote b-but he's out...cold. His pulse...it’s slowing. Prep the medbay." He was soaking wet from being pushed into the icy waters of Gotham’s River, and water from his hair dripped down onto the unconscious boy he was carrying. _

 

_ /Received.| He noted of the clear worry in her voice and the bit of fear that she couldn’t manage to hide. /Batgirl out.\  _

 

_ "C'mon Jay." He murmured as he reached the Batmobile. He awkwardly opened up the door, carefully placed the boy inside and secured him. There was nothing else he could do for him on sight.  _

 

_ He quickly ran to the other side and plopped into the seat behind the wheel. "C'mon Jay." He repeated, casting a glance at the prone, pale figure in the mirror before zooming into the night, heading for the manor. He prayed he wouldn’t be too late. _

 

He clenched the counter tighter. He breathed deeply, trying to make himself relax.

 

He let go of the sink and grabbed his cellphone that was sitting on the edge of it. He had only looked at it once, and that was to remark about how much times had changed. He turned it on and he bit his lip when he saw five missing calls from Barbara and two from Bette. He also had too many texts to count from both girls, and some from Wally. He let out a sigh, closed his eyes for a second.

 

_ -I’m fine. I was sick with a nasty virus. I’ll be at school today.-  _ He typed back to Barbara.

 

Instantly, she texted back.  _ -You better, Grayson. You had us worried.- _

_ -I’ll be there. Promise.-  _ Why did he do that? Now he had to go. Simulation or no simulation, forty-three or thirteen, he could never break a promise to Barbara. 

 

_ “Come on.” Barbara told him, tossing him a pair of sunglasses which he easily caught. “We have to tell the League.” _

 

_ He opened his mouth to ask what exactly they were going to tell them, when she held up her left hand that held the engagement ring he had given her. It had a golden band with a dark red gemstone. He had recruited Stephanie for advice on it, and she had easily known what the ginger girl wanted.  _

 

_ At the sight of the ring and Barbara’s smile, his face turned into a similar smile and he wrapped an arm around the woman and gave her a peck on the cheek. She grinned took the sunglasses from his hand and placed them on his face. _

 

_ “C’mon.” She urged him, nearly dragging him to the zeta beam. _

 

_ “Someone’s excited.” he remarked, and she gave him a fake scowl. _

 

_ “You can hardly talk. You were so impatient that you purposed to me on patrol.” _

 

_ “I’m never going to hear the end of that, am I?” _

 

_ She simply gave him a look in response before typing in coordinates. _

 

**_“Recognized: Nightwing, B01. Oracle, C01.”_ **

 

_ In a quick moment both out of costume heroes scanned the room. Red Robin was there talking to Rocket about something. Troia and Aquagirl were playing with Lian a little way away, with Tempest and Arsenal watching them. _

 

_ “You called them here, didn’t you?”  He murmured as Zatanna came into the room, Redbird following. Oracle gave him an amused look, “Then why are Jay and Tim here? They already know.” _

 

_ “They wanted to see the looks on their faces.” She said back quietly before walking forward, “Nightwing and I have something to tell you all.” She announced, a smile on her face and he came up next to her. _

 

_ The confusion on the Leaguer’s faces turned to surprise as Nightwing gently grabbed her left hand and held it up for all to see. _

 

_ “We’re getting married.” _

 

“Stop it.” He growled to himself, sliding the phone into his pocket. He grabbed the backpack that was sitting by the foot of his bed and slipped it on easily. 

 

He left the room, silently shutting the door behind him and silently making his way down to the front door. Both Bruce and Alfred had offered to drive him, despite the former having to go to work, but he rejected the requests. He would walk. He wasn’t sure he would have the strength to leave the car if he was driven, and the last thing he wanted to do was take the bus.

 

He almost slipped past Alfred - Bruce had already left - but he made himself call out, “Bye Alfred.” Before he left the manor.

 

The exterior of the manor had hardly changed. The only differences was the older looking driveway (they had recently repaved it in the simulation, which had resulted in a chalk drawing contest following that Damian had won) and the neater cut bushes (they were still trimmed, but it had not been on par with Alfred’s skill).

 

He kept his head down as he walked, a hood carefully placed over his neatly gelled hair so that he would not be too recognizable. Gotham itself had not changed too much in it’s entirety, a building here, a parking lot there. The signs seemed wrong as well - he would glance at a building and see an advertisement for a company that had died out years ago. 

 

_ Think of it as a mission.  _ He told himself as he cast a glance at Gotham Park and tried to shake away the unwanted memories.  _ You’ve time travelled back into the past. It’s a mission.  You’ll go home tomorrow. _

 

_ No reason to worry. _

 

A part of him knew that lying to himself would only help him in the short term, and could actually hurt more in the long term. He had seen people like that; he had witnessed people going crazy as they denied that death was as much a part of life as life itself. He had no wish to join them, but he couldn’t help himself.

 

He soon reached Gotham Academy. This building had refused change in the simulation.

 

He remembered the countless times he had picked up Tim or Stephanie (Damian had been home-schooled, due to his lack of social etiquette and patience) from the school. He let a smile come over his face when he imagined Jason being here. Jason had asked that if he was forced to go to school (which he and Barbara had forced him to do) if he could go to the Gotham North. He and Barbara had agreed, of course, but it didn’t stop him from wondering what the once street orphan would do at the prestigious school.

 

He pulled back before a memory could grab him, and instead directed his attention on a blonde with bouncy curls. “Hey Bette.” He greeted with a smile as he pulled the hood down.

 

Bette hit him lightly on the arm with her books, “Where were you? Me and Babs were freaking out!” She chastised him as they entered the building together.

 

“Sorry. I had a nasty bug.” He lied smoothly. “I dropped my phone into the toilet - not one of my finer moments, I admit.”

 

“Mr. Wayne got you a new one though, didn’t he?” She asked, “You could have called. Or texted.”

 

“Sorry.” He apologized sheepishly, “That was the fever. I forgot that Bruce had bought me a new one until the other day.” The lie came out so easily, he briefly wondered how he thought of it so quickly. “And he prefers Bruce, not Mr. Wayne.”

 

“I’m sorry,  _ Bruce  _ bought you a new one _. _ ” She gave him a smile, “I’m happy you’re back.” She admitted, before looking at something over his right shoulder. “ _ Someone’s  _ not going to be as forgiving as I am.”

 

He turned to see Barbara who was walking towards them. 

 

Seeing her, walking with her normal confident - but not prideful - stride that had each step emanating both fury and power, her shoulders set and her face in a fierce scowl, a grin came over his face.

 

And he fell in love with her all over again.

  
“Where  _ were  _ you?” She demanded, hitting him in the shoulder not holding back as much as Bette had.

 

Faint wisps of memory stirred at the brief contact, but he ignored them.  _ Barbara  _ was here. He didn’t have to make himself concentrate on her because that was what he always did whenever she entered a room. It was instinct - something that eleven years of marriage had drilled into him.

 

“I was sick.” He explained, wincing on the inside. He  _ hated  _ lying to her. There had been two people who he had been able to be completely open with in the simulation: Roy, and her. He didn’t have to pretend to be invincible; that everything, that  _ he,  _ was okay. He could simply be himself without fear of rejection. His best friend and his wife. “I broke my phone and with the fever messing up my mind I didn’t realize that Bruce had bought me a new one.”

 

She looked at him skeptically, but he knew she wouldn’t be able to detect the lie. Even if she knew them, his tells had changed and were nearly imperceptible unless you knew him closely.  _ Like my Barbara did… _

 

_ Don’t think about that. Not now. _

 

She hit him on the shoulder once more, “Don’t worry us like that again, Grayson.”

 

He smiled,  _ she never changes.  _ “I promise, Babs, Bette.” 

 

Bette smiled as well, “Good, because I don’t think I could hold Barbara from murdering you.”

 

He let out an uneasy chuckle, something his gut told him his thirteen-year-old self would have done.

 

As they turned to make their way to Barbara and Dick’s lockers - which were close to each other due to the lack of last names that began with a ‘G’, Dick opened his mouth to say something, before shutting it.

 

_ This isn’t my Barbara.  _ He had to remind himself,  _ No flirting.  _

 

This was going to be harder than he thought.

 

**==============================**

 

Alfred drove him home.

 

He was surprised that he made it through the day without calling the butler. The flashbacks weren’t the hardest part of the day, like expected, but it was mostly his restraint. He couldn’t flirt or kiss Barbara, he couldn’t talk to Bette like normal (for she did survive the Invasion, and they were all still good friends), and he had to dumb himself down in all of the classes. He had already graduated  _ college  _ so the high school freshman classes were a breeze.

 

He had received a tremendous amount of make up work, but he concluded that that wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing. It would be an excuse to stay away from the Cave and an easy way for him to keep his mind from wandering.

 

_ Maybe things won’t be so bad. _

 

He wasn’t foolish enough to think that everything would go back to normal. No, he had changed to much for that to ever be an option.

  
But maybe one day someone would ask him how he was doing and the answer would be ‘okay’ instead of ‘fine’.


	13. Secrets - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Roy!” He said, surprised. That was one thing that wasn’t part of the façade he had been working so hard to keep up. He moved forward with the others to greet the two heroes, but then he paused when he saw his friend.
> 
> It was like a slap in the face.
> 
> 'I should stop expecting things to be the same.'
> 
> 'I’m only going to be disappointed.'

He twirled the pencil in his hands as he read the directions on his homework. He glanced at the time out of the corner of his eye.  _ 4:49 AM. Been up for an hour.  _ He had gone on patrol with Batman last night, which had ended around 2:30 AM. He caught an hour of restless sleep before he gave up altogether. He had opted to catch up on his school work as opposed to letting the memories and what-ifs torment him. It was Sunday, so he didn’t have to worry about going to school later that day, but he still has a lot of make up work from being absent.

 

As he scribbled down an answer his phone let out a soft beep. He glanced at it.  _ -Do you want to watch the hockey game later today?-  _ Bruce had texted him. They never said anything that could compromise their identities over texting or any other unprotected source. What his mentor meant was if he was up for a mission; any sport was code for their vigilante lifestyle, and since they had already patrolled the quiet city (well, quiet for Gotham, which would have been busy in any other city, besides Blüdhaven) he knew his mentor mean the Team.

 

He hesitated. Did he want to go on a mission so soon after Bialya? Did he want to go on a mission at all? He tapped the pencil on his desk several times before dropping it and picking up his phone.

 

_ -Sounds great. When does it start?- When should I go to the Cave? _

 

_ -At ten. It's Gotham vs Star.- Ten minutes, Green Arrow is assigning the mission.  _ He knew Bruce was busy doing ‘League stuff’. Before, he would have  tried to get his mentor tell him the specifics, but now it didn’t matter. He had worked with the League for decades - he doubted anything was so unbelievable at this point that it was worth bugging Bruce to know.

 

_ -Okay.-  _ He briefly wondered if the physically older man was surprised that he remembered their code. He had used it with the others in the simulation, but Bruce didn’t know that. Bruce knew next to nothing about the simulation, for Dinah kept everything about their sessions private. That was the only way he would open up to her, she knew.

 

_ Dinah doesn’t even know the whole story.  _ She simply knew of him moving on to becoming Nightwing, teaming up with Batgirl who was a friend from his civilian life to protect Gotham, and a new Justice League and Team forming. He never delved into his personal life or got too specific. That still hurt too much, and she never pushed him. She knew he needed time. She would, however, prompt him. Since, of course, it was important for him to face what had happened.

 

He put away his schoolwork and silently descended to the Batcave, where he changed into his Robin costume. It was still slightly foreign to him - the cape (which he was adjusting to), and the different organization of the utility belt. The physical design of the Nightwing costume had been different as well, with less chinks in the kevlar (for body armor had improved) and the fabric being thinner (again, an improvement in body armor).

 

Even the mask was different, with his Robin one not going down his nose as much and not ending in two points on each end like the wings of a bird as his Nightwing mask had.

 

Nevertheless, he slipped on the uniform and zeta-ed to the Cave. Another difference - the computer still read out ‘Robin’ instead of Nightwing, something that  _ always  _ caught him off guard. Once, he even involuntarily cast a glance to his left to see if Damian was there.

 

Now, though, he knew he was alone.

 

The others were there, minus Artemis and Wally. Green Arrow had yet to arrive as well. He briefly wondered where they were, but shrugged it off. If they were going to come, then they would come. Artemis would most likely be arriving with her ‘uncle’, and Wally was always late.

 

“Greetings, my friend.” Kaldur dipped his head slightly to greet him.

 

“Hey,” He said back, trying on a casual smile that younger him usually wore. He was glad his eyes were hidden behind his domino mask, as he could just  _ tell  _ that the smile didn’t reach his eyes.

 

M’gann opened her mouth to say something, but the computer cut her off.

 

**_“Recognized: Green Arrow, 08. Red Arrow, B06.”_ **

 

“Roy!” He said, surprised. That was one thing that  _ wasn’t  _ part of the façade he had been working so hard to keep up. He moved forward with the others to greet the two heroes, but then he paused when he saw his friend.

 

It was like a slap in the face.

 

_ I should stop expecting things to be the same. _

 

_ I’m only going to be disappointed. _

 

He hadn’t been thinking and had expected to see  _ Arsenal  _ there instead of Red Arrow. He had momentarily forgotten that this wasn’t the Roy who saved his life, and found him after the mothership exploded. This wasn’t Lian’s father. This Roy wasn’t a member of the Justice League.

 

This Roy was eighteen years old. 

 

His heart begin to beat faster, but he struggled to stay calm. He forced himself to follow the others, while trying to suppress the memories that were fighting their way to the surface.

 

_ Calm down. I have to calm down. _

 

_ “Hey ‘Wing.” He turned to see Arsenal there, smiling at him. _

 

_ “Arsenal.” He smiled back as they exchanged a simple handshake. “What are you doing here?” He asked his old friend, before glancing back over to where Jason was talking with La’gaan.  _

 

_ “I volunteered to assign missions to the new Team.” He said, following his gaze to watch the two boys before looking back at him. “But you knew that, didn’t you? I know they asked you first.” _

 

_ He paused, before nodding. “They thought I had the best experience.” _

 

_ They were both quiet for a few moments as he mulled over the past. It was too easy to replace in his mind Jason with Wally and La’gaan with Kaldur.  It was so easy to pretend his friends were alive. _

 

_ “When I first heard that you refused to join the new League, I wasn’t surprised.” Roy said. “I understood that you weren’t ready to work with others so soon after...what happened. It felt like you were  replacing them. But now, you have a new team. Nightwing, Batgirl, and Robin - ‘The Guardians of Gotham’. And I think...I think that the old Team would be happy that you’re still working with others.” _

 

_ “Do you think...I did the right thing when I chose not to become Batman?” He asked the archer. _

 

He tried to force himself to snap out of the memory.

 

It didn’t work.

 

_ “Honestly, I still wonder if  _ I _ did the right thing by not becoming Green Arrow. But I guess we both made that choice, and we’ll see where it takes us.” Roy shrugged. “Besides, it’s not as if I abandoned Star, or that you abandoned Gotham, right?” _

 

_ He was silent for a moment, mulling over Roy’s words, before saying, “Thanks, Roy.” _

 

_ “It was no problem, Dick.” _

 

Oh, he was  _ really  _ tempted to swear right now.

 

And, using every ounce of self-control he had, he forced himself to fake a smile as he greeted Roy with the rest of the Team. He felt almost nauseous, and his heart was beating so fast that he could have sworn Superboy gave him a weird look. He wasn’t completely sure, as most of his focus was not breaking down in front of everyone.

 

**_“Recognized: Artemis, B07.”_ **

 

“Artemis. Just in time.” Green Arrow turned to face his current protègè. “Look who’s agreed to join the Team.”

He could easily read the already annoyed look that had been on her face the moment she materialized, and now she looked even more annoyed. “Sure. Team’s needed a  _ real  _ archer.”

 

_ What is she upset about? _

 

The mystery behind Artemis’ mood helped to distract him from his near mental breakdown, and he watched as she walked with frustration seemingly growing with every step.

 

Green Arrow was either ignorant, or was ignoring her words. “Okay, Team, listen up.” He began to type on the (primitive) holographic keyboard, bringing up the mission information. “The Flash and Kid Flash are busy in Central, and Batman is working a League case so I’ll be assigning your mission.”

 

If he already hadn’t been watching her, he would have missed the way her eyes widened and her stance became rigid as her father and sister appeared on the holographic computer. “Sportsmaster was spotted coming through Louis Armstrong New Orleans International Airport.” Green Arrow continued, bringing up the security footage.

 

“In full costume? Nervy.” Zatanna remarked. 

 

“In street clothes.” Green Arrow corrected her, playing the footage. “Facial recognition software picked up on his I.D.” 

 

_ It was a fake one, with an alias probably. He’s not stupid enough to actually use his real name. _

 

“Find out what he’s up to.” Green Arrow finished. 

 

“ _ All  _ of us?” Conner asked, skeptical. He couldn’t blame the Kryptonian - there were far too many of them there for such a mission. “Seems like overkill for a Shadow job.”

 

“Perhaps a small squad. Miss Martian’s camouflage abilities, as well as Robin’s stealth seem ideal.” Red Tornado offered.

 

“Thought the sidekicks - sorry,  _ ex _ -sidekicks - could suit up on this.” Green Arrow told them. “Aqualad, Robin, Red Arrow.”

 

_ Well now I know Dinah really did keep what we talked about confidential, and that you haven’t discussed this with her if you even know, since she would never let me go on a mission with Roy after everything I’ve told her. Not at least without talking with me first. _

 

_...But that’s okay. I can handle this. _

 

“Good. Stakeouts make me crazy.” Conner remarked.

 

“We could use a night off.” M’gann agreed.

 

“I want in. With M’gann out, no one has logged more hours piloting the bioship.” Artemis cut in. 

 

_ I used to be second… _

 

_...before, well, everything. _

 

“Artemis, are you sure?” Green Arrow asked, surprised that she was choosing to go on a mission that would pit her against her father and sister.

 

“Absolutely.” She said, with no hesitation and her tone left no room to argue.

 

_ Well, this is going to be interesting, to say the least _


	14. Secrets - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sportsmaster was heading south,” Roy argued, “kinda like this mission.” He added in a bitter tone.
> 
> There it was again. That look in his eye was unfamiliar. He was too focused. Too driven. It wasn’t him.
> 
> 'Well he’s not the Roy I knew.'
> 
> 'He didn’t go through the Invasion.'
> 
> 'He didn’t save my life from the Mothership.'
> 
> 'He’s Red Arrow. Not Arsenal.'

The bioship ride was...awkward, to say the least.

 

He kept his eyes on the horizon, trying to ignore Artemis behind him. Something was upsetting her, which was obvious. The question was - what should he do about it? Should he do anything?

 

It was ironic, in a way, that he knew people that probably didn’t even  _ exist  _ in this reality better than his teammate.

 

_ “Arsenal?” He called out, hesitant and on guard. Roy had been acting...strange...when he had  _

_ called and told him to meet here in costume. For precaution, he told Barbara and Jason where he was going and what to do if something went wrong. _

 

_ His eyes scanned the warehouse, and widened slightly when Cheshire appeared from behind one of the boxes. He instantly whipped out his escrima sticks, prepared to fight the assassin. _

 

_ Instead of attack him, she simply raised her hands in peace. “Chill, blue.” _

 

_ Then, from where she had appeared, Arsenal came out. “Nightwing, don’t worry. She’s not here to fight.” _

 

_ Hesitantly, but trusting Roy, he put his escrima sticks away. He did not, however, let his guard down or trust that she wasn’t going to suddenly attack them. _

 

_ “What’s going on?” He asked, looking from the Shadow to his fellow hero. _

 

_ Roy opened his mouth, but Cheshire beat him to it. “We all need to talk.” she said. She then took a breath, before removing her Cheshire mask. “My name is Jade Nguyen. Is that name familiar to you?” _

 

_ It wasn’t. _

 

_ He shook his head, and this time Roy sighed. “Jade here is Sportsmaster’s daughter, and she also, was, well…” _

 

_ “Artemis was my younger sister.” _

 

“You’re doing that thing again.” Artemis said suddenly.

 

He turned on his chair to face her. “What do you mean?” He was still slightly disoriented from the memory, and his voice shook slightly.

 

She didn’t answer right away. “When you just... _ stop.  _ You freeze, tense up. Your breathing slows and then you’re suddenly a million miles away.”

 

“I don’t know what you mean. I’m fine.”

 

_ “‘Fine’ is bad, while ‘okay’ is acceptable.” _

 

“Nice try. Try again.” Artemis said, her voice dry. “What’s bothering you?”

 

“I could ask you the same thing.” He pointed out. Her face became a mask that he knew too well. “You are a real archer, y’know. This Team doesn’t accept just anyone.”

 

She said nothing, and he added, “And you’re not the only one keeping secrets, if that’s what you’re worried about.

 

She jerked up, looking at him straight in the eye, seemingly horrified. “You know?”

 

He nodded, “But you shouldn’t worry. Like I said - you’re not the only one. I’m pretty sure Conner is hiding something. And didn’t you notice M’gann at that mission in Bialya?” She didn’t reply. “What I’m saying is that even though you’re hiding something, it doesn’t mean  _ you  _ are unworthy for this Team. If that was the case, I’m pretty sure only Kal and Wally would be on the team. Wally can’t keep a secret to save his life, and Kaldur has probably not done a bad thing in his life.” He attempted a joke.

 

“Then why do you think that way as well?”

 

_ What?  _ “What do you mean?” He asked, slightly confused.

“You’ve been acting weird for a while now. I haven’t heard you tear apart a word in forever. And that look on your face you get...I know it well. Frustration that you can’t tell anyone, mixed with the fear of what might happen if they find out.” Artemis said, her voice uncharacteristically quiet.

 

_ Not that I’d know. It’s been so long... _

 

“Like I said - you’re not the only one keeping secrets.” He said. It was meant to be a joke, but neither of them were laughing.   
  


She opened her mouth to say something, when a voice from the comm system in the bioship interrupted her. 

 

_ /I have eyes on the target.\  _ Roy’s voice cut her off. There was a pause,  _ “I’m at the Orleans Parish. He’s getting a boat ready to ride...target heading north.” _

 

“I have eyes.” He said into the comm, his eyes easily catching the boat that was riding across the water. “Drop me off here.” He turned to Artemis, who nodded and lowered the bioship so he could delve into the forest.

 

_ /Pursue, but maintain a discreet distance. And that goes double for you, Artemis. Sportsmaster’s proven adept at spotting Martian camouflaging in motion.\ _

 

_ Yeah, that will help her mood.  _ He thought to himself sarcastically, as he got to the point where Roy and Kaldur had hid his motorcycle earlier. He threw on the helmet, and easily started the bike. It was lucky that his hands moved out of instinct to operate it, as he didn’t know if he would of been able to start it quickly, with his mind still thirty years in the future.

 

_ Possible future. _

 

_ Well, simulated future. _

 

He mentally brushed those thoughts away, instead focusing on steering and following Sportsmaster from a distance.

 

_ /He’s stopped. Hold your positions. I’m moving in for a closer look.\ _

 

He would have normally been annoyed by someone ordering him around so much, but he found that he simply didn’t care.

 

_ It’s better than leading. _

 

Those were his thoughts as he watched Roy creep closer to Sportsmaster.

 

_ Wait… _ He noticed a movement, and realized that Artemis was moving forward despite Roy’s orders. 

 

_ This is going to be interesting. _

 

He ditched his bike and followed swiftly. He made sure to be absolutely silent.

 

He got there just as Roy shot Cheshire with an arrow that shot out a net, trapping her against the tree for the time being.

 

“Why Arrow, if you wanted another date you only had to ask.” She said, a smirk clear in her voice.

 

_ And I was surprised when these two got married? _

 

Roy looked annoyed at her flirting, but Artemis turned to face him in disbelief. “You two are dating?!” She cried out.

 

“What? No!” Roy corrected hastily, and he nearly had to stifle a cackle from his place in the shadows.

 

“Oh, why deny the attraction?” Cheshire asked, “After all, Arrow, you’re  _ here. _ ” Something about how she said that was off.  The emphasis...she had to have a trick up her sleeve.

 

She ripped the bonds holding her away as she drew her sword. “Really I’m so fond of you both. I couldn’t bear to hurt you...much.”

 

She charged, and right as he went to help the archers in battling Cheshire he saw something move out of the corner of his eyes, and he turned to see Sportsmaster driving away on a motor boat.

 

“Sportsmaster!” He heard Roy yelled as the red-clad archer saw the same thing he did, and when he turned to look back at the battle he saw Jade pinning Roy down, kissing him while smirking at Artemis’ surprised expression out of the corner of her eye.

She then released him, “At least a kiss is still a kiss.” She said, just as he grew tired of standing idly by.

 

He jumped down from his position in the trees, kicking her back and momentarily stunning her.

 

“Artemis, tracer arrow on Sportsmaster now!” Roy ordered her while Cheshire was distracted.

 

He kept his eye on Cheshire, but heard Artemis grunt in frustration. “He’s out of range.”

 

_ At the speed he was going? Unlikely he’s out of range so soon. _

 

“Move!” He heard Roy yell as Cheshire stood, walking over to where her mask lay. 

 

“You’re abandoning?!” He could hear Artemis practically shriek.   _ That  _ made him turn to look, and he saw Roy hop into his jet ski that lay hidden behind some foliage.

 

“I’m prioritizing.” He defended, before driving away.

 

_ Something  _ was wrong with Roy. Something seemed...off. Sure, he was always focused on the mission, but this seemed...unnatural.

 

“Oh, that’s  _ got  _ to sting.” Cheshire’s words snapped him out of his thoughts, and he watched as she effortlessly kicked her mask up into the air and caught it, before adjusting it on her face. “He makes the shot you were afraid to even try.”

 

Artemis chose to forego a reply, and instead opted to simply fire several arrows at her sister.

 

“Oh, did I strike a nerve?” Cheshire tsked, nimbly dodging the arrows and the birdarangs he threw. “Well you’re going to have to do better than that.” She had a point, he noted. His aim was slightly off because of the unfamiliar projectiles he used.

 

_ C’mon. Focus! _

 

He charged Cheshire, vaulting himself in the air the moment before the two would have connected. He knew Cheshire would have rolled with his attack before throwing him back. She wasn’t expecting him to jump. 

 

Once she realized he had leapt over her, she ducked to avoid any possible attacks. Artemis still fired arrow after arrow, and, attacking from both sides, they managed to hold off Cheshire’s attacks.

 

_ /Artemis, Robin, listen.\  _ Both of them were momentarily distracted by Aqualad’s words, and Cheshire used this moment to unbalance him and throw him into Artemis. 

 

They both quickly got back on their feet, but Cheshire was already gone.

 

“Did you get the tracer on her?” He asked, turning to his teammate.

 

She nodded, “On her sword.” She told him.

 

“Nice job,” He complimented her, before he saw Kaldur and Roy coming back. “The others are here.” He told her.

 

“I’ll try and get a signal.” She told him, taking out her tracking device. He nodded, and went up to talk to Kaldur and Roy.

 

“Did you plant the tracer?” Roy asked him immediately.

 

“Yeah. Artemis put one on her sword.” He replied, not meeting the other hero’s eyes.

 

He heard Artemis behind him before she spoke or came into view. “Cheshire’s heading north.” She reported, holding up the same device.

 

“Sportsmaster was heading south,” Roy argued, “kinda like this mission.” He added in a bitter tone. 

 

There it was again. That  _ look  _ in his eye was unfamiliar. He was  _ too  _ focused.  _ Too  _ driven. It wasn’t him.

 

_ Well he’s not the Roy I knew. _

 

_ He didn’t go through the Invasion. _

 

_ He didn’t save my life from the Mothership. _

 

_ He’s Red Arrow. Not Arsenal. _

 

“Maybe he’ll double back. Maybe she will.” Artemis pointed out, snapping him out of his thoughts. “They are going to rendezvous either way, and then we will get them.”

 

“We had better. Sportsmaster acquired an attaché case. We  _ need  _ to learn what it contained. If you had stayed aboard the bioship…” Aqualad trailed off.

 

“I saw Cheshire sneaking up on him.” Artemis told him, gesturing to Roy. 

 

_ Liar. _

 

_ You moved before Cheshire was even visible.  _

 

He understood her actions, even if he disagreed with them. He knew too well how it fault to be haunted by the past, and to desperately want to settle things yourself to make up for it.

 

It didn’t matter  _ how  _ long it had been for him. He still could remember the day his entire world  _ fell  _ to the ground and  _ shattered  _ too well. The feelings of guilt that followed, as well as the desire to be the one to settle things.

 

“Then radio a warning.” Roy reminded her rudely.

 

“And if she found you by hacking our frequency?” Artemis retorted. And he had to admit, if he didn't know better he would have believed the lie.

 

“It is true,” Kaldur agreed, looking at Roy, “We have come to rely on M’gann’s telepathy over our radios.”

 

“And, while we are standing around arguing, Cheshire and Sportsmaster are getting closer to their objective. And something tells me that whatever is in that briefcase is pretty important to their plans.” He said, for some reason defending Artemis even though he knew she was lying.

 

“Here.” She tossed Roy the tracking device, and he caught it easily. “Since I clearly can't be trusted. You track her.”

 

“Are you sure?” Kaldur asked, looking from Artemis to Roy.

 

She sighed, “It’s fine. I’ll...follow in the bioship.” The way she said that was also suspicious. That pause...what was she planning?

 

“Take Robin with you.” Artemis eyes widened slightly at Kaldur’s order. He didn’t seem to notice. “Arrow and I will return to the river, and then we will all follow like we originally planned.”

 

Artemis opened her mouth to protest, but Kaldur and Roy had already turned away and walked back to the water.

 

The walk back to the bioship was short, but with the uneasy silence it made it much longer.

 

When they arrived, and both took their seats he heard Artemis draw a shaky breath and say, “Robin…”

 

“That tracking device was fake, wasn't it? You have them following a different tracer. You want to be the one to take down Cheshire and Sportsmaster.” He guessed, and he didn't have to turn and look at her to know he was correct. 

 

She let out a small gasp, and he spun to look her in the eye. “Listen, Artemis. I understand the desire to want to settle family… _ problems _ yourself. That doesn't mean I approve of it, but…” he gave her a small smirk, “I wasn't paying attention on the way here and didn't notice we weren't following Kaldur and Roy.”

 

Understanding came across Artemis’ face and she gave him a grateful look, “Robin, you don't have to do this.”

 

“I know,” he said, “but I understand. I trust you. And besides, it would be hypocritical of me to tell you to come clean to the Team about your past. Especially when I'm the one who hasn't shared my civilian identity.”

 

“Thanks Robin.” Artemis said, “Now let's go get that briefcase.”

 

He gave her a smirk, “Couldn't of said it better myself.”

 

**==============================**

 

“I'll engage Cheshire,” Artemis told him, and he could tell the girl was uncomfortable with giving him orders. Even though she may be (physically) older, he had more experience in the hero game. 

 

_ More experience than you know.  _ He mentally remarked, while he nodded to show that he agreed with her decision.

 

“I'll back you up.” He assured her. “Sportsmaster is probably lurking around here somewhere, and who knows who else.”

 

Artemis gave him a nod, and exited the bioship. He let out a small sigh when she left. He could let down a part of his façade now. He didn’t need to pretend as much.

 

It was getting to the point where even that small thing made him relieved.

 

_ Why don’t you just tell them already? _

 

He threw the thought away as soon as it popped into his mind. No, he couldn’t tell them. How could he explain it? The worst part of telling them would be assuring M’gann that he didn’t blame her.

 

_ But how can I tell her that without also telling her that I wish she would just send me back? _

 

That wasn’t true, well, not completely true. He did want to go back, but he also knew that he could never. It was wishful thinking and nothing more.

 

_ He can never go back. _

 

He was too deep in his thoughts to see Artemis enter the warehouse, but he did not a flash of red.

 

_ Roy. _

 

_ What’s he doing here? _ __   
  


He watched as Roy house scanned the area surrounding the warehouse, missing the camouflaged bioship. He left the bioship, discreetly getting closer to his friend to see what he was doing. 

 

_ How did he even get here? Artemis sent the others on a wild goose chase with a faux tracker. How did he know this was the real location of Cheshire and Sportsmaster? _

 

The archer crept closer to one of the entrances to the warehouse (a garage-like door with a keypad next to it), unaware that he was being watched.

 

As Roy moved to examine the keypad further, his own focus was redirected.

 

_ Sportsmaster. _

 

The mercenary was poised about Roy, a spear in his hand and aimed at Roy’s back.

 

“Look out!” He yelled, throwing some birdarangs at Sportsmaster with perfect accuracy. Sportsmaster deflected them with his spear as Roy realized that he had almost been ambushed.

 

Roy began shooting at Sportsmaster, “Where’s Artemis?” Roy asked him as he moved to stand next to the archer.

 

“Inside. Probably fighting Cheshire.” He replied as Sportsmaster jumped down from the roof. “Look out.” He warned.

 

Roy eyes narrowed as he deftly reached into his quiver, withdrew an arrow, and shot it. He didn’t aim for Sportsmaster, however, but rather the doorway. The arrow exploded and the door was destroyed, showing Artemis and Cheshire fighting on the other side.

 

“You help her, I have Sportsmaster!” Roy told him as Sportsmaster charged, he nodded and ran back at Sportsmaster, swiftly turning to the side of him and ducking under the man’s outstretched arm. He planted a kick in Sportsmaster’s back, which propelled him. He did a handspring before landing at Artemis’ side.

 

“Two against one, this  _ hardly  _ seems fair.” Cheshire drawled, “For you, at least.” 

 

Suddenly, a red glow emitted from a side room. He shared a glance with Artemis, just as Cheshire charged at them.

 

“I have her. You go!” He yelled to Artemis, blocking Cheshire’s sword with an escrima stick that he had withdrawn.

“Okay.” He heard Artemis reply hastily before the archer moved towards the door.

 

Cheshire was a slippery opponent - she was deceiving, and a master at hiding her true intent. Not to mention she was  _ fast. _

 

However, he was faster.

 

He had experience on his side, not to mention the fact that he completely knew her style while she only had an inkling of his. He was easily able to hold his own. The only downside was that he still wasn’t completely used to fighting as a thirteen year old. Some of his moves mainly depended on the height he didn’t have, others on how well his muscles were developed from over thirty years of fighting.

 

He ducked to dodge another of Cheshire’s lightning fast jabs when the assassin turned to ice and shattered by herself. His eyes widened in surprise before he realized what happened.

 

_ Klarion. _

 

**==============================**

 

“Let me be clear,” Kaldur’s voice was clear and rang throughout the whole hanger. “We failed. Though the Injustice League is in custody, their allies still scheme. And we have learned nothing of their plans.”

 

They were back in the Cave, having been debriefed and left to handle the outcome of the mission amongst themselves. It was clear that no one was particularly happy about how it turned out.

 

Surprisingly, it seemed that  _ he  _ was the one that was the least frustrated and disappointed. Unknown to the Team, he was simply grateful. He knew how bad missions could get. Even if this one wasn’t completely successful, at least they all made it out. Even better - they were all okay. Other than some scrapes and bruises, no one was majorly hurt.

 

_ “Learn to celebrate the small victories,” He told Jason. “Because in our line of work it’s those small victories that make the difference. Without those small victories...someone might have died tonight. And we should be thankful that didn’t happen.” _

 

“Hey!” Artemis’ indignant cry caught his attention. She was glaring at Roy, who must have insulted her in some way while he was caught in the memory. “Who found out Sportsmaster was working for Brain, Klarion, and Ivo?!”

 

“Yeah, great intel. Except Ivo’s been in Belle Reve the whole time.” Roy shot back. “And the guards just checked - it’s the real Ivo, not a robot.”

 

“It’s easy to pay off the guards. He could have never been there and we would be none the wiser just as long as enough money is put in the right people’s pockets.” He pointed out. 

 

“Well that’s not the only thing that’s off about this whole mission.” Roy held up the real tracker, instead of the one that Artemis had put to lead the others away from Cheshire and Sportsmaster.

 

“The tracer, so?” Conner asked, not understanding.

 

“No,  Artemis ditched  _ that _ .” Roy gestured to the tracer Kaldur holds up for everyone to see. “To send us on a wild goose chase. She put  _ this  _ one on Cheshire.”

 

“What?” All eyes turned to look at Artemis, who drew a breath to defend herself, but instead slowly let it out.

 

“Why are you acting this was all on purpose?” He asked before he knew what he was doing. He couldn’t help it. He related to Artemis too much to just let the Team turn on her. “It could have just been a mistake. We all have made those before.”

 

“Yeah right.” Roy clearly didn’t buy. “You were probably in on it as well. Well, how are you two going to betray us next time.”

 

“I’ve been in this life since I was nine and you’re accusing me of turning traitor? Maybe you should tell Batman that you figured this out before him.” He retorted. He didn’t know what he was doing. He couldn’t stop the words that were coming from him. 

 

A part of him was just so  _ annoyed.  _ This wasn’t Arsenal. Arsenal was his friend. Arsenal was always there for him. Arsenal was understanding.

 

Whoever this was, it  _ couldn’t  _ be Roy. He refused to believe it.

 

“I’ve heard what’s been going on. Your behaviour change. Your fighting style is also different. Maybe you’ve also changed sides.” Roy snarled back.

 

“ _ Enough. _ ” Kaldur stepped between them, effectively stopping the argument. “If making mistakes or changing were betrayals, we would all be traitors. I must report to Batman. The rest of you...get some sleep.”

 

He didn’t need to be told twice. He made a beeline for the Zeta Tubes, only looking back once. He saw Roy move by Artemis, and tell her something that he couldn’t hear. He did see her stiffen, and a new wave of anger rolled over him. 

  
This could  _ not  _ be the Roy he knew.


	15. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He slowly backed away from the door, his heart beginning to pound.
> 
>  
> 
> This could not be happening.
> 
> 'I thought I was doing so well!'
> 
> He practically fled the Cave, not knowing or particularly caring if Conner heard his departure with his superhearing. He just had to get out.
> 
> He could feel the memories pressing in on his mind, threatening to overwhelm him as he sprinted up the stairs from the Batcave. Thankfully, he had been wearing civvies. He didn’t know if he would have been able to change to civilian clothes with his mind in such a state.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally caught this up to it's fanfiction.net counterpart, so yay! There are about five more planned chapters yet, but there is a possibility of a sequel (It would be called 'Verity')
> 
> Also, to celebrate the story reaching 100 comments on fanfiction.net, the excerpt written between the bolded asterisks is written by KaliAnn over on fanfiction.net. All credit goes to them for that part.

********

He was trying to relax in the Cave and pay attention to the conversation going on with his friends. Aqualad had returned from Atlantis after helping Aquaman sort through the chaos brought by an attack on the underwater kingdom. He had also heard there had been some trouble with Queen Mira’s pregnancy, but all had ended happily and her baby was safe.

 

"I'm glad to see you again Kaldur. For a while, we were wondering if you decided to stay in Atlantis after everything that's happened recently," Wally mentioned. The others members made agreeing sounds. 

 

Kaldur took a deep breath as if he was bringing his thoughts together. "Atlantis is still recovering from recent events, but our people are strong. Queen Mira is a powerful mage who fought to protect her people despite her condition. While the safety of Atlantis is always important, my King has asked her to scale back her activities." 

 

"I bet that didn't go so well. A woman never likes being told what to do, especially if she's pregnant," Artemis commented. Her words had an effect on him, who stiffened. Her comment was bringing up another flashback, but he pushed it back trying to focus on Aqualad's story. He  _ had  _ to stay strong and not give in to these flashbacks.

 

"The reason I've been gone so long, is that I was needed to help with a compromise between my King and Queen. Tula and Garth, who have taken up the titles Aquagirl and Tempest, are training to become the child's bodyguards. When the time comes for the heir to being training, I will be their teacher. It is an honor I look forward to." 

 

Upon hearing those words, Robin found himself reliving a memory. One that had haunted him for a time. 

 

_ It was nearly two and half years since the Invasion. Earlier a distress call had come in from Tempest, with a bit of panic in his voice. He said that Ocean Master, the deceased King's younger brother, had joined forces with Black Manta. The two of them had laid siege against the underwater kingdom in a twisted combination of both revenge and a coup, in hopes of achieving their goals. It had taken the whole team to put a stop to their plan. The city had months of reconstruction waiting for them. Many citizens had suffered horrible injuries and the team was still waiting to hear if the Queen and Prince were okay.  _

 

_ As Nightwing switched into dry clothing, he looked out the sub's windows thanking the newly rebuilt Star Labs, for having finished building this craft in time to help. "Who knew Barbra could drive a sub as well as rides a motorcycle?" he whispered to himself. "I kept my promise Kaldur. I saved your home and your pupil.” _

 

_ A knock on the door drew him out of his pondering. "Come in!" He expected Arsenal or Tempest to come in, but was surprised to see Aquagirl approaching him instead. She had slightly nervous expression on her face. "Tula, is everything okay? Has something happened to Queen Mira or Prince Arthur?" _

 

_ "No, they're fine. Our best healers managed to stop the blood loss and reattached the Queen's hand so she wouldn't lose it. Prince Arthur suffered nothing more than a few bruises - thank Poseidon for that. Tempest is currently guarding him. It will take some time for us to sort out the traitors from the innocents due to the amount of destruction and lies." _

 

_ Nightwing nodded, he was surprised the underwater kingdom was still standing after the massive battle that had taken place. At one point he had lost hope they would save the underwater kingdom. Several civilians, led by an Atlantean named La'gaan, had turned the tide in their favor. Both Aquagirl and Tempest saw potential in the young lad to be a powerful hero. Nightwing also thought he make a good hero for the team in a few years. Those thoughts would have to wait. He needed to know what was going on with Tula. "Whatever you have to say Aquagirl, say it. We've all learned the importance of speaking up when you can."  _

 

_ Rubbing a fresh scar on the back of her left hand, Aquagirl proceeded to answer. "Nightwing, Tempest and I have been struggling with our duties, both to the League and to our Prince. After an attack like this, I know now that we can't have both Garth and me on the League. Maybe in a few years, but right now protecting Arthur is my responsibility. I will do everything I can, even train him in Kaldur's memory, if that's what it takes, to keep my home safe."  _

 

_ "Are you both leaving the League?" he asked anxiously. Both Atlanteans were heavy hitters and their skills were needed to keep order. Another advantage of having both of them in the League, it gave Atlantis a voice in the surface world. They were also very close friends of his To lose both of them, even if it was for a short time, would almost be like losing Kaldur all over again.  _

 

_ "No, I have decided to leave the League for now. Queen Mira gave orders for Tempest to continue being our advocate to the surface world. She wants her son to grow up and one day be a hero just like his father, a member of a powerful team of peacekeepers and heroes. Until that day arrives, I will remain in Atlantis preparing him. I hope you can understand my decision."  _

 

_ Nightwing did understand. His own heart still ached for all he had lost. He had to step up to keep Wayne Enterprise alive for the good of the world. Tula was doing the same and unlike Kaldur, she would come back alive. _

 

*********

 

“Robin?” He was just aware of his name being called as the memory ended. He flinched slightly, but he managed to smother it so it wasn’t too noticeable.

 

“Yeah?” He replied, trying to force his voice into a casual tone as he faced Wally.

 

“Are you okay? You seemed like you were a million miles away.” M’gann asked him, and he realized that she was the one who said his name in the first place. 

 

_ But is Robin really my name anymore? _

 

“Just thinking about some things that happened in Gotham, Miss M.”  He tried to assure her. “Riddler broke out the other day and B and I have been searching for him.”   
  


“Has he left a riddle yet?” Wally asked, “He does that everytime, right?”

 

“Yeah, but he hasn’t.” He told them, “He probably will tonight or tomorrow. Right now, he’s most likely laying low and preparing for his next move.”

 

He checked the time, and then turned to face his friends (did he even know them well enough to call them friends anymore?), “I got to go. B wants me back at the Batcave so we can be ready for when he appears.”

 

He was met with nods and sayings of farewell, and for a moment he was surprised that they believed him. Bruce didn’t need them to prepare - they were  _ always  _ prepared. And, when Riddler showed, Bruce would call him.

 

Nevertheless, this was his excuse to leave and so he took it. He left for the hangar, but didn’t make it there before he hit the wall in frustration.

 

_ I thought I was getting better.  _ He mentally growled at himself.  _ What happened? _

 

He had  been doing so well recently - going from day to day with minimal (if any) flashbacks, and the ones he had experienced had been shorter ones. And then a few words from Kaldur and he was experiencing one of the longer ones and he already felt like he was on the verge of another.

 

He stalked to the computer, and just as it announced his departure he cancelled the teleportation. By leaving now, was he just running away from his problems further? Maybe he should just  _ tell  _ them. They might understand. They were his team, after all.

 

_ Oh, what am I thinking? How could they understand...this?! _

 

_ Thirty years of my life, gone! Actually, worse, it never even happened. _

 

Still, his feet carried him back to the lounge. He was moments away from entering when he heard M’gann’s voice say, “Are you sure he’s gone?”

 

He froze. His breathing became lighter and slower, and so did his heartbeat. He didn’t do it on purpose though, it was just years of practice after facing so many people with superhearing.

_ Are they...talking about me? _

 

“Yeah. I heard the computer announce his exit.” Wally replied, and he realized the speedster must have followed him out, staying barely in earshot so that he wouldn’t be noticed. Wally wouldn’t of seen or heard him cancel the teleportation, as he probably had already sped back to the lounge the moment after her heard the computer read out his departure.

 

“Then we shall begin.” He could hear Kaldur begin, “Something has been troubling Robin as of late. We have all taken notice of this, yet none of us know what it is?” He seemed to be posing the question to the rest of the Team present. 

 

There was a brief silence, in which he felt his heart leap to his throat. He forced himself to steady his breathing and heart rate, as too much variation in either would allow Conner to realize that there was one extra person present.

 

“He seems...different. He doesn’t play with words or do that eerie cackling thing after he ninjas into a room.” Wally commented after the pause.

 

“Maybe he just grew out of it.” Conner theorized, and he could detect some level of uncomfortableness in the clone’s voice.  _ It’s because I told him it had to do with the simulation.  _ He realized.  _ He’s still unwilling to tell them, if at least to protect M’gann. _

 

“He could be maturing, which would not be a troublesome thing. But he also seems…” Kaldur trailed off, hesitant of how to put his thoughts into words.

 

M’gann finished for him, “Sad. His mind, it’s constantly troubled and it just feels...different.”

 

_ Well, that’s because it is different, in a way. _

 

“How?” Zatanna asked, speaking up for the first time. 

 

M’gann looked around, unsure of what to say, “When I’m near someone I can...feel their mind.” She admitted, “I’m not reading it, I can just get a general reading - whether they are lying or not, whether they also have mind-reading powers, that sort of thing. Everyone’s feels a different way, it’s unique like how a person looks physically. His mind  _ feels  _ different than before.”

 

“Does that mean he’s not Rob?” Wally asked, the concern in his voice increasing notably as he stood more alert.

 

“No, it just means something happened and he’s changed mentally.” She explained.

 

_ Wow, I wonder what happened.  _ He thought sarcastically to himself.

“But it’s not just affecting him mentally.” Artemis added, finally joining the conversation. “He’s been more clumsy and less focused on his surroundings. He looks like he’s uncomfortable in his own skin. I mean, he’s slowly getting back to normal but it’s still  _ there.”  _ She also seemed slightly uncomfortable, and he suspected it had to do with their talk during the last mission.

 

“And his cape.” Zatanna said, “I noticed him nearly tripping on it.”

 

He mentally cursed. He had thought he had been more smooth on covering up his awkwardness with the cape and longer limbs. He had mostly managed to get rid of that awkwardness, as he had learned to be quite adaptable over the many (simulated) years.

 

“Rob’s an acrobat. He doesn’t  _ trip  _ and he doesn’t  _ do  _ clumsy _.”  _ Wally pointed out, “But that’s exactly what he’s been. He’s so tense whenever he sees us, like he doesn’t trust us or something!”

 

_ Maybe I don’t. _

 

“Robin  _ is  _ the protégé of Batman.” Kaldur reminded his team, “He has many secrets, and we should respect them.” He paused, “But I feel like these secrets do involve us. He seems very unfocused. I talked to him the other day and it took him a minute to reply, but it seemed as though he thought no time had passed.”

 

“Yeah!” Wally agreed, “I asked him a question and he completely zoned out and when he came back he was all snappy.”

 

“Maybe something is bothering him.” Conner spoke up.

 

“Perhaps, but we should keep an eye on him in case he requires our assistance.” Kaldur decided, and there was a silence that met him in which he presumed they nodded in agreement. He could hear the sounds of someone standing, before Kaldur continued. “We have to make him understand that he can trust us so we can help him.”

 

He slowly backed away from the door, his heart beginning to pound.

 

This could  _ not  _ be happening.

 

_ I thought I was doing so well! _ __   
  


 

He practically fled the Cave, not knowing or particularly caring if Conner heard his departure with his superhearing. He just had to  _ get out. _

 

He could  _ feel  _ the memories pressing in on his mind, threatening to overwhelm him as he sprinted up the stairs from the Batcave. Thankfully, he had been wearing civvies. He didn’t know if he would have been able to change to civilian clothes with his mind in such a state.

 

He didn’t know if Alfred or Bruce were even home, as it felt like the world around him was fading out. His hands shook as he fumbled for a moment with the doorknob, before opening the door. He closed it behind him shakily before collapsing on his bed.

 

His sunglasses were gone (had he just removed them, or did he lose them in his departure? He couldn’t even remember) and he clutched his head as he buried his face into his pillows. His head was spinning and he gave up trying to fight the memories.

 

_ “Good!” He yelled to the boy, jumping and twisting to avoid the bo staff Damian was wielding. “Don’t slow down, but don’t go too fast or you’ll tire too quickly.” he warned as he blocked a strike to his left and flipped to avoid a kick. _

 

_ Damian gritted his teeth, adjusting his grip on the staff in the brief lull in the battle before charging once more with a series of lightning-quick attacks. _

 

_ He nimbly avoided them, “Too predictable! At this point your opponent already has an idea of how you fight. Destroy that idea!” _

 

_ Damian growled, ignoring the advice and launching a quick feint to his right before lowering at the last moment in an effort to sweep his legs from under him. _

 

_ He saw this coming easily, predicting that the boy would toss aside his advice and leaping over the staff and kicking off of Damian’s shoulder, careful to only unbalance him and not hurt the boy. _

 

_ Damian spun slightly before falling, finding himself unable to catch his balance from the momentum of the dodged attack and the force of someone pushing off of him. _

 

_ He landed softly on the mat, observing the son of his former mentor as he angrily stood back up and got in position to fight hand-to-hand, for he had lost his staff in the fall. _

 

_ He moved the bo staff from his right hand to his left, before placing it to the side, signalling that the spar was over. Damian hesitantly lowered his fists before tutting at him. _

 

_ “I wasn’t finished,” He informed the adult harshly. _

 

_ “No, you were angry. You underestimate your opponent and then get frustrated when they don’t fit the criteria you have mentally set for them. You are like a mountain. You are strong, and set up a good front, but you don’t adapt. You need to adjust your fighting style at times - throw your opponent off. Leap instead of blocking, punch instead of kicking, and then next time do something completely different. Leave them still unsure of how you fight.” He tried to tell the boy, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his shoulders. He offered Damian a towel, but the boy refused. _

 

_ He had to admit - Damian was a good fighter, better than the others at the beginning, but he had no wish to learn or improve. It was one thing to be trained before joining him, but it was an entirely thing to be willing to train. And he had learned that the latter was more important with Damian. _

 

_ “I don’t need to change anything! My fighting style is fine. I was trained by the best.” Damian argued, glaring at him. _

 

_ “There is no ‘best’. There will always be someone better. Someone faster, stronger, smarter. You were just trained by people who called themselves the best to scare away an who might oppose them.” He stated wisely, “And even if you were trained by ‘the best’, that doesn't automatically make you one of them.” His tone then became softer, gentler, “I know that you are an advanced fighter and you feel like I'm treating you as a kid, but I'm not.” _

 

_ Damian scoffed, “I beg to differ.” _

 

_ “I'm not.” He protested, “I'm teaching you as a student. If I was teaching you like a kid I wouldn't have let you anywhere near the staffs yet.” It was true. It took over a year for Tim to even get close to sparring with a bo staff. Damian also knew this was true. _

 

_ “I don't need to be your student, and I don't want you as my teacher.” Damian grumbled. “I'm perfectly fine as I am.” _

 

_ “If you were then you wouldn't be here. Your mother wouldn't believe that you needed my help.” He pointed out. _

 

_ He looked away, “Mother is mistaken.” He said, his voice quieter than before. _

 

He was briefly aware of sounds outside his room as he exited the memory. He didn’t have time to think about it any further before a new one began to overwhelm him.

 

_ “I don’t know what you mean.” Stephanie told him, flipping the pages in the magazine she was holding. He raised an eyebrow, casting a glance at all of the fabric, thread, markers, other magazines, and other various materials were out on the table before her. _

 

_ “I mean that you need to take a break.” He told her, gently but firmly. “Between Team missions, patrol, and you helping Barbara and I plan the wedding you’re completely booked.” _

 

_ “I’m fine, just a bit busy.” She told him, matter-of-factly. “Besides, I can’t decide between these two colors for the bridesmaid dresses. Which one do you prefer?” She held out two color swatches, and he sighed. _

 

_ “Steph, I’m serious. How much sleep did you get last night?” _

 

_ “More than Tim, most likely.” She retorted. He opened his mouth to argue, to say something to defend the previous Robin, before she gave him a look, “Oh, don’t lie to yourself. If you want to talk to someone about lack of sleep, talk to him.” _

 

_ Her tone was harsh, and he knew from experience that she had probably not gotten any sleep last night, or the one before. She got this way when she was overtired - too harsh, but still logical. _

 

_ After all, she did have a point.  _

 

_ “This isn’t about him,” He would talk to Tim about sleep later, “This is about you. You should go take a name and have an actual meal. Barbara’s making dinner soon.” _

 

_ “I’m busy.” She protested, “I’ll eat later.” _

 

_ “Stephanie, I am not asking you.” She looked up at him, surprised by the change of tone he adopted. “You need some sleep and real food. I can work on the wedding for a few hours, if your really concerned with getting behind schedule.” _

 

_ She hesitated, and he could see that she realized he was right. She let out a small sigh, before saying, “Just don’t touch the fabric, please. I’m trying to work on an accessory for Barbara’s wedding dress.” _

 

_ He gave her a smile, and she returned it as she began to walk out of the room. As she passed him, she paused. “Thanks...for caring.” She said, her voice quiet. “I’ve never had a father care about me so much before.” _

 

“Dick, can you hear me?” It was Bruce. He was shaking him.

 

He weakly lifted his head, aware that he had tears falling from his eyes. His whole body was trembling. It was like a wall was breaking in his head.

 

“Yeah.” He whispered hoarsely.

 

“Are you okay?” Bruce looked so concerned, that for a moment he wondered if he was in another flashback - one that went back to when his parents had died and Bruce had first taken him in. Bruce had been there after a nightmare and the situation was so similar to the one that was happening now.

 

He opened his mouth to reply with the automatic ‘I’m fine’ reply, but the words caught in his throat. He slowly shook his head as Bruce reached and embraced him in a hug. He allowed himself to just sit there and be held, and for a moment it felt like no one could touch him.

 

_ No matter how much I think to the contrary,  _ he realized.  _ I’m still thirteen. _

 

_ I _ _ ’m just a kid. _


	16. Circus - Part 1

His eyebrows creased as he read through the reports that made him grow increasingly more worried. The harsh, bright light of the batcomputer stared back at him, and he was vaguely aware of the squeaking of bats behind him.

 

Having finished up his homework, he had decided to see if there was any work for him to do in the Batcave, as Bruce was still at work. He had stumbled upon news reports of a robbery that police were thinking about connecting to Haly International Traveling Circus, and instantly began investigating.

 

He had to admit that the evidence that had been found so far was pretty damning, and if he hadn’t been raised in that exact circus he probably would have thought that Haly was guilty.

 

He leaned back in his chair, staring at the news reports in front of him, but not actually reading them.

 

_ I could ask Bruce if we could investigate it...no, he’s too busy with Gotham. Riddler’s still out there, and by the time we catch him this will have ended.  _

 

_ Maybe the Team?  _

 

_ No, he won’t clear me for that. Neither will Dinah, as Bruce has probably already told her about… _ He sighed, remembering his breakdown that had occurred weeks prior. He hadn’t talked about it with Bruce directly since that night, but he noticed that his mentor had grown increasingly more protective, and finding excuses to take him out of Team training more and more. He wasn’t complaining per se - being around the Team did hurt, even though it had been months since the simulation.

 

But still...a part of him knew that it would always hurt. A part of him would never get over it. The pain would stay forever. Maybe he was being too dramatic, and he should just face the problem head on?

 

He tapped on the table in front of him indecisively, before moving away from the Batcomputer and standing up from the chair. He would worry about his own mental state  _ after  _ Haly’s circus was safe. He moved swiftly, trying to not think about what he was about to do so much that he would change his mind, and changed into his Robin costume quickly. Bruce wouldn’t get back from work for four more hours at the very least due to meetings, but Alfred would realize he was gone before then.

 

He leaned back over the keyboard, not bothering to sit down again, and typed out a brief message for either Bruce or Alfred. He gave them a vague idea of where  he what was happening - mission in Europe with the Team, be back in a day or two, that he would be careful, etc.

 

By the time Bruce got wind of it, and figured out the details of what he was up to, it would be too late. Bruce probably wouldn’t have the will to stop him, as the man knew how much that circus meant to him. It would probably be no use anyway, due to the amount of time it would take to fly to Europe to collect him, and that whole time Gotham would be unprotected. And with Riddler on the loose, that could be nearly disasterous.

 

He finally made his way to the zeta tube and, taking a deep breath, typed out his location.

 

**_“Recognized: Robin, B01.”_ **

 

No one was in the hangar, but he knew that M’gann and Conner were in the lounge or the kitchen (as those were their typical locations at this time of day), and either Artemis or Wally would probably be with them. He hoped it was the former, as the latter knew of his ties to Haly’s circus. He knew Aqualad and Zatanna wouldn’t be there - Aqualad had already informed them that he would be on a mission with Aquaman, and Zatanna was working with Dinah on some legal issues that had appeared from the apparent disappearance of Zatara (since the public didn’t exactly know the entire Zatara/Dr. Fate situation).

 

Sure enough, Artemis, M’gann, and Conner were all in the Lounge.

 

_ Perfect. _

 

...not so perfect.

 

Roy was also in the Cave. He hadn’t accounted for the red-clad archer’s prescence. Thankfully, he was doing target-practice in the room that they had taken to calling the gym, simply because none of them could think of a better name for it after Wally suggested that. Artemis told him that he had been there for a few hours.

 

It was easy enough to tell them that Batman wanted to go on this mission, but he was busy and it would be easier if he told the Team, rather than bother one of the people in the League.

 

“Advanced weapon tech has been stolen at manufacturing plants around Europe.” He explained, showing them what he had found at the Batcomputer on the Cave’s holographic computer. “And each theft coincides with tour stops made by the Haly Circus. Batman’s sending us undercover to catch the thieves.”

 

He had heard Roy entering the room before he saw him, and he mentally cursed.

 

“This clown car have room for one more?” Roy asked, coming up beside him. He quickly looked the archer over. He...didn’t know what to think of Roy anymore. In the simulation they had been basically brothers. But here, in the real world? He wasn’t sure if he could even  _ trust  _ Roy. He seemed..off. He wasn’t sure if his memory was just messed up from the simulation, but this Roy just felt too agressive to be the Roy he knew. Too paranoid and eager to accuse others. 

 

“Thanks, but we’ve got this covered.” He observed Roy’s body language and he realized that Roy didn’t trust  _ him  _ either. He had already expressed how much he didn’t trust M’gann, Conner, and (above all) Artemis. He saw this group as a group full of potential traitors, and he wanted to come along to ensure that this wasn’t some sort of cover-up.

 

That meant that Roy would insist to come no matter what he said, and by arguing with him further he would just raise more suspicion on not only himself, but the others as well. It wouldn’t be fair to do that to them, just based off of the suspicions of someone who was currently fighting to differentiate what was real and what wasn’t.

 

So when Roy offered once more, he hesitantly accepted. After being prepped further, as well as packing for the mission, they all headed out on the bioship.

 

It was silent, not to mention tense. Roy’s clear lack of trust in any of them combined with the others suspicions that he was keeping something from them (which he was, but this was  _ not  _ the time nor place to talk about the simulation) was a deadly combo.

 

It was eventually broken by M’gann, who started an easy conversation. He was thankful to the martian for doing that, even if he barely participated in it (which was more than Roy, who didn’t participate at all).

 

Maybe the mission wouldn’t be a complete disaster.

 

**=======================**

 

The mission was going to be a  _ complete  _ disaster.

 

First, he had begun to feel  _ really  _ sick before their performance. He rarely got sick, and it  _ never  _ came on this sudden. One second he was fine, then it was like a switch had been flipped and he felt  _ really  _ dizzy, slightly nausous, and had a pretty fever. Not to mention his head was  _ pounding. _

 

Then, of course, came his slip up  _ during  _ the performance.

 

He found himself falling through the air, and instead of fear gripping his heart like he expected, he felt lighter than he had in a long time.

 

He felt  _ free. _

Conner and M’gann had saved him, discreetly using their powers. They all managed to play it off like it was just part of the performance, but afterwards he found himself conflicted.

 

The truth was, a part of him wanted him to crash into the ground. To die. It wasn’t that he was depressed or anything, it was just that a part of them was still hoping that he was wrong, and if he died here he would wake up once again. Barbara would still be his wife. Jason would be there. Tim would be there. Stephanie would be there. Damian would be there.

 

The Roy  _ he  _ knew would be there.

 

He knew it was a foolish belief - he could now tell the difference between reality and what was not enough to know that that was completely and utterly foolish.

 

He felt Roy gently nudge him and turned. Roy gestured at Haly, who was talking to two men with face paint.

 

“ _ Was _ your slot.” He was telling them. “Until you missed that performance in Paris.” He knew of Haly’s strict rules concerning those who didn’t live at the circus, meerly worked there.

 

“Carlos was sick! He’s better now.” Carlos nodded at his (presumbably) brother’s words.

 

“Plus those Dangers are a sham,” Carlos said, “They say they’re brothers and sisters - they don’t even look alike!” It was true. M’gann and Roy had red hair and green eyes, while he and Conner both had black hair and blue eyes. And then there was Artemis, with her long blonde hair. Plus their other physical features, they did not look like they could all be related.

 

Knowing that, he still proposed the idea to them knowing that Haly wouldn’t call them out. As long as they were polite and pulled a great performance, they could claim to be family and he wouldn’t mind it.

 

“Ah, you just don’t like the competition.” Haly dismissed them, pushing past  them and towards a white-haired man with a blue suit. “Oh, for crying out loud. Not you  _ again. _ ” Haly grumbled. “We’re in the middle of a show.”

 

“Then we’ll talk after - but we  _ will  _ talk.” The man informed him. “Another city last week, another tech firm robbed, another stop on  _ your  _ tour. If I prove you’re responsible then I am shutting you down.” 

 

_ Looks like we aren’t the only ones who made the connection.  _ He thought to himself.

 

Haly stood his ground, “I’ve got three minutes to gather props and get back to the center ring.” He informed the other man cooly, before walking past him.

 

The man turned to look at them, as they had  _ all  _ been watching the confrontation.

 

“Faraday. Interpool.” The man introduced himself, flashing his badge. “New act?”

 

“Yeah. Just joined the tour.” He replied.

 

“Probably clears you. But don’t get to comfortable. Haly’s going down for this.” Faraday turned and walked away, and he found himself glaring at the man’s back. No matter what happened, the circus would always be an important part of his life. It was his  _ childhood,  _ before Tony Zucco had mercilessly taken that from him one night.

 

_ Haly is innocent. _

 

_ I just have to prove it. _

 

**=======**

 

_ [If Interpool is already on this, then why are we bothering?]  _ Superboy growled, about an hour into the stakeout. He had been feeling the clone’s annoyance steadily rise through the mental link.

 

_ [Because Batman said so.]  _ He said simply, definitively. They could not argue with it if they thought the Dark Knight had given them the task himself (which he hadn’t, but they were still unaware of that).

 

_ [How do we know the thieves will hit here?]  _ Artemis inquired, and he could just make out her dark green figure from far away, with Red Arrow right in front of her, crouching. To the average eye, it would have been difficult to see them unless searching for them, with their dark colored outfits, still figures, and the dark night. 

 

_ [There are more obvious targets.]  _ Red Arrow added, and he could just detect the small jab at his intelligence. He would have bristled, had he been the person he once was. 

 

Instead, he felt it as a blow to his sanity, reminding him that their friendship was not the same as it had been in the simulation. There was none of the trust there once had been.

 

_ [And Interpool will cover them,]  _ He pointed out,  _ [but I’ve analyzed the tech already stolen, and the pattern suggests that this is the place.]  _ He felt slightly dizzy all of a sudden, and gritted his teeth in an attempt to ground himself better. He raised an arm to wipe away the sweat on his forehead due to an uncomfortable fever.

 

_ [How are you feeling?]  _ Miss Martian asked him, seeing the action (as she was behind him) and growing concerned for his health.

 

_ [Bad but...I’ll manage.]  _ He replied, the most honest answer he had given to that question since the simulation. 

 

_ [Contact - northeast quadrant.]  _ Superboy broke in, and he found his eyes scanning that particular area, moving slightly so he just saw a dark figure jumping off of a light pole so they could flip over the fence with ease. _ [Well it looks like we know why Carlo missed a performance.] _

 

_ [It might be the brother, and they could be switching off.]  _ Artemis pointed out as he jumped off of the rooftop, grabbed a nearby lamp post, and slid down easily. Miss Martian flew down next to him.

 

_ [Move in.]  _ He told them all, wincing mentally at the command. 

 

_ Just like you commanded them to go on a suicide mission? _

 

He pushed the thoughts away - the last thing he needed was his sickness and his mental instability to mix.

 

They all moved quietly, following him so that they were pressed against the wall of one building, casting glances around the corner in an attempt to spot the figure. 

 

_ [Did anyone see where he went?]  _ Miss Martian inquired, not being able to spot their target.

 

Suddenly, Superboy jumped off of the rooftop and hit the ground near them with a booming crash. He internally winced.

 

_ So much for covert…the intruder definitely knows we are on to them. _

 

Superboy looked around, before muttering angrily, “The warehouse,”

 

_ He saw where the target went? _

 

_ [Proceed, but stay cautious. We still don't know if this intruder is alone or not.]  _ He warned, mentally cringing at the order. He disliked giving them back in the simulation, and that dislike seemed to be sparking up again. It didn't help that the people he was ordering were the same people he ordered to go on a suicide mission.

 

_ Focus.  _ He reminded himself, as he snuck in through a window of the warehouse. The thief was in front of them, taking out some kind of hard drive from a machine he was facing. He couldn’t tell the machine or the hard drive’s purpose without further information, and he didn’t have time to hack into the system with the intruder right there.

 

“Stop right there,” Red Arrow ordered, and the intruder - one he could now clearly identifiy as male - turned. 

 

“Acrobatics won’t get you out of this.” Artemis informed him, as both she and Red Arrow pulled back on their bows, prepared to unleash a volley of arrows on him. 

 

Surprisingly, the intruder was silent and quickly pulled out a long stick of what he could easily identify as a torch used for fire breathing. The man quickly pulled up the bootom of his mask before blowing on it in their direction.

 

“Move!” He yelled forcefully, realizing what was going to happen the second the man had pulled up his mask. They all managed to duck to the side to avoid the fire.

 

_ That doesn’t make sense...he would have to have been holding the fuel in his mouth for way too long...unless he had been prepared for us? He might have poured it into his mouth when he heard Superboy… _

 

“The crates are full of live ammo!” He heard Red Arrow call. He locked eyes with the archer, and spotted the fear in the other boy’s eyes. Red Arrow yelled something. He could not hear it over the loud crackle of the fire near him, but was experienced enough in the art of lip reading to understand what he was trying to stay.

 

_ Move! _

 

That’s when the warehouse exploded.

 

He blacked out, but it was only for a brief time.

 

The first thing he was aware of was the  _ pain.  _ Everything burned - every muscle, nerve, every bit and piece of him felt like it was on fire. He felt like he would simply die from the pain any second.

 

It was too similar to the mothership. Eerily similar.

 

_ “Batgirl’s here.” Roy told him softly, standing in the doorway to his hospital room. His voice drowned out the steady beating of the heart monitor that seemed to be trying to slowly drive him insane. _

 

_ “Send her in.” He said instantly. He needed to see her. To make sure it was Barbara. He had to see someone who survived. Just one other person he knew. _

 

_ “Okay,” Roy said, before moving to the side to show someone who was unmistakably Barbara Gordon, but in full Bat regalia. He was impressed - it was a high quality to come from a civilian. Had she stolen some of her father’s body armor? _

_ Barbara’s eyes widened with recognition, “Dick? You’re...you’re alive!” Realization struck her, and what she had momentarily forgotten came back to her, “You’re Robin?” _

 

_ “You know what they say - ‘You can take the boy out of the circus, but you can’t take the circus out of the boy’.” _

 

“Robin? Robin, can you hear me?” He was aware of something shouting, and he was suddenly aware of black spots in his vision. “He hit his head badly. He’s bleeding!”

 

_ Roy? _

 

It was ironic that Roy would be the first person he saw after coming out of this explosion, since he was the first person he saw after the mothership all those simulated years ago.

 

There was another yell - one that he couldn’t properly hear but could tell it was from Superboy. Artemis had a quick retory, before Superboy quietly agreed.

 

_ What are they saying? _

 

His head was ringing too much. Pushing through the pain, he forced his eyes to focus and stay completely open. He saw Red Arrow, who gave him a quick look of relief.

 

“Artemis, help me with him!” He yelled, and, for the first time, the green-clad archer obeyed without a word of protest. He could just see Superboy, who was quickly carrying Miss Martian away from the fire.

 

_ The fire is killing her. _

  
_ Just like these memories are killing me. _


	17. Circus - Part 2

Awareness returned in stages.

Everything was mixed. His vision was blurry. One second Artemis was in front of him, but he would blink and she was suddenly Stephanie.

_ Is that ginger M’gann or Barbara? Is Connor carrying me...or is that Jason? Shouldn’t Roy be with Lian? Why is he here? _

He closed his eyes again and sleep temporarily regained its control on him. His dreams were so muddled - nothing more than noises and mixed colors - and he didn’t even properly remember them when he regained consciousness once more.

He was aware of a bit more this time. He could feel a cool wind blowing. He could clearly see that it was M’gann, Roy, and Artemis in is line of sight, and that doubtlessly it was Connor who was carrying him. It was a dark night, but he could clearly see due to the lights from the circus as the others crept back inside, as not to alert any other members of the circus of them sneaking in. The last thing they needed was for  _ them  _ to be accused of being the thieves.

He mentally reached out, using the mental link they had to gently press against M’gann’s mind, and he instantly felt an active link being set up.  _ [Robin - you’re awake!]  _ She exclaimed happily.

The mental link wasn’t as unnerving anymore. It was one of the easier things to get used to (re-used to?). 

He could feel Connor stiffen slightly with realization, and he made eye contact with the boy. He gave the Kryptonian a grateful smile, and Connor looked away, clearly awkward.

_ [What happened after I blacked out?]  _ He questioned as they crept down the hallway.

_ [He got away in the midst of the confusion.]  _ Artemis reported easily, and soon enough they were back in their cabin. 

“I can stand,” He muttered, too quiet for anyone to hear except for a certain person with superhearing, and Connor hesitantly put him down on his feet. He wobbled a bit, but managed to steady himself. Roy and Artemis did a quick check to ensure their room hadn’t been bugged in their absence, before Roy finally looked at Artemis, who shook her head, and said “It’s clear.”

“Are you okay?” M’gann immediately asked him, and gave her a smile from his new position where he was partially leaning against the wall. He still felt a bit...disconnected. Out of it.

“Don’t worry, I’m good.” He told her.

“You’re concussed.” Roy retorted, but he shook his head at the ginger archer.

“I don’t think so. I’ve been concussed quite a few times and this doesn’t feel like it.”

_ Unless it’s just different because of my time in the simulation. _

Artemis approached him hesitantly, her intentions clear.  _ Can I check? _

He nodded, before feeling her gently feel his scalp, searching for any cuts, bruises, or evidence of a broken skull or fracture. “You have any symptoms of a concussion? Any pain?” 

“No. Other than a headache and a bit of disorientation I’m fine.” He said honestly. Any other symptoms of his were doubtlessly symptoms of his PTSD, not from a concussion. She withdrew, before shrugging.

“Your skull doesn’t feel damaged. Perhaps it was a mix of the fire and blast from the explosion that made you pass out?” She offered, and he shrugged.

_ And a mix of the memories. _

_ That explosion...it was so similar...too similar. Maybe I went into a sort of shock? The repressed memories plus the explosion that was so like the mothership… _

He managed to brush aside their worries and concerns until they all went to sleep. They didn’t have a show tomorrow morning, he knew. There would be late afternoon farewell show before everyone rushed to pack up the circus onto the train.

That was how international shows went. Life at the circus, plain and simple.

He had thought little of his life before he donned the cape and stepped foot in a new world of heroes and villains since the infamous simulation. He had been too preoccupied with his unlived life to really spare it a thought.

He finally had the time to think about that time of his life as he lay, completely and utterly awake. He felt physically fatigued, but he couldn't sleep. He hadn't gotten a good night’s sleep since before the simulation, maybe further (he couldn't exactly remember how he was sleeping before he gained thirty years of memories).

He just lay there, lying on his back. He could hear the breathing of his teammates around him, and let it wash over him.

_ This is what's real. I am real. They are real. _

_ We are all here. Alive. _

_ Real. _

He didn't get any sleep that night.

The next show went according to plan, and nothing suspicious came up until they began to pack up the circus for the train to Geneva. He nearly bumped into Ray as he carried a box full of the trapeze equipment onto the train.

“Behind!” He called out in a familiar way. There was always such a rush to get everything packed up that people only called their position relative to you so there wasn't a collision. He remembered seeing his father weave through the mass of people, shouting ‘Left!’ and even the occasional ‘Over!’ as he used his acrobatics to jump over people.

His circus background was the biggest constant between his two lives, and he could remember it without fear of a flashback or losing his grip on reality. It had always been true, regardless of it he was in a simulation or not. It was a part of him, and would forever be.  _ That  _ would always be real.

Ray heard him call, and practically  _ leapt  _ forwards. He looked in confusion as the bigger man flinched desperately to avoid touching him. He recalled how tactile he had been - he had even rubbed his head before he got on stage for good luck - and then frowned at the blond now.

Ray quickly left, obviously avoiding him.

_ What's wrong?  _ He mentally asked, scanning over the man’s retreating form as knot grew in his stomach.

Something was not right.

After depositing the equipment in its proper place, he continued the break down and loading of the circus. He didn't see Ray again, but the memory of his odd behavior stayed with him.

When the loading was all finished and the train started moving, he headed to their cabin.  He was surprised to see M’gann there, apparently sick from the flu.

_ …You don't get that sick that quickly from the normal flu.  _ He realized when she said she had just started feeling ill over the course of the past hour.

He knew it was a completely logical and rational assumption if he just chalked it up to the differences in human and Martian biology and their separate immunity levels to diseases and such, but something told him that wasn't the case. Something was just not right.

Suddenly, realization struck him.

_ Parasite. _

His eyes widened as Connor said it came on just after Ray touched her, and how he must be a ‘walking petri dish’.

“Or…” he didn't meet his friends eyes as they all directed theirs to look at him. “It's something else.”

_ Parasite - definitely working solo. Well, he might have planned or have allies, but he takes the field jobs by himself. That’s always been his MO. _

He rushed out of the room to see none other than Haly himself in the hallway. 

For a moment, he expected a flashback. He anticipated it. This was what caused it for him - a mix of adrenaline and a trigger that consisted something connected to a past event.

Nothing came.

Surprise welled in him as Haly smiled kindly at him, but he still made a note about how something in that smile was off. “Dan,” Something about the way he said that was concerning. Perhaps the man had changed - it  _ had _ been around four years since he had seen him last - but he could sense that wasn't the case.

Nevertheless, he didn't let his suspicion show. “Uh, Jack, how long as Ray worked for you?”

Haly took a moment to consider, and he felt his own worrying increase, “I picked him up around the start of the European tour. Poor lad’s sick with the same flu that's been going around. He was coughing up a storm just a few minutes ago.”  He heard his teammates exit the room behind him in time to hear Haly’s response, but his mind was too wrapped up in his own realization.

The man in front of him was not Jack Haly.

It had clicked in him - the way the other man was angling his body away from them. The inconsistencies. The tone in his voice when he talked about Ray. The way he built up how sick ‘Ray’ was.

All to make them stop looking.

“We’ll go check on him,” Artemis offered, and he could see a flutter of worry over ‘Haly’s’ face, too quick for anyone else to catch.

He nodded in agreement, and Haly nodded as well, covering up his worry.

And that was the end of the conversation. No joke from his pseudo-grandfather. No last words of encouragement.

Every nerve in his body screamed that that was not Haly.

They went to the room, and his thoughts were confirmed. After finding the  _ real  _ Haly tied up, he couldn't but help be a bit relieved.

Despite his convictions to the opposite, a part of him had asked him what he would do if he was wrong. If that  _ was  _ Haly, and he couldn't trust any of his memories. Or worse - if Haly had actually been the mastermind behind the thefts.

If his life was one just big lie after another.

That's why he breathed a bit easier as he untied the real Haly as the others went to go find where Parasite went. He quickly cut through the bonds around the man’s hands, and Haly rubbed his wrists gratefully.

He ignored the questions - feeling a twinge of guilt, but he pushed it away - and exited the room.

He suddenly heard noise coming from…was that  _ above  _ him?

_ The roof.  _ He surmised, glancing upwards at what was unmistakably footsteps. Conner reported his position via radio as soon as he deducted what had happened. He moved quickly to where the cars intercepted, and found Superboy facing off with a clown that was indisputably  _ not  _ a normal clown.

“Watch out, that’s Parasite!” He called to his friend, “He can steal powers and abilities with just a single touch.”

Parasite scowled at him, “As if you kids are who you claim to be,” He retorted, and using what was distinctively M’gann’s shapeshifting powers, he shifted into his original form.

“Don’t let him touch you, or else he’ll take your powers. That’s the flu that’s been going around,” He realized.

A spark of memory. Parasite flinching away from him.

_ Physical contact is all he needs to steal someone’s strength...but doesn’t just steal the strengths of others, but also their weaknesses. _

Weakness. He looked at Parasite with narrowed eyes.

_ He didn’t get...the flashbacks...did he?  _

The thought struck him just as M’gann climbed up beside him, “Well well well, if it isn’t the pièce de résistance herself - Dawn Danger!” Parasite smirked, before amending, “Or...whatever her real name is. I thought I’d munch on her trapeze skills. Imagine my surprise when she tasted like Martian Manhunter instead!”

He could see Roy and Artemis climbing up on the other side of the cart, where Conner was. 

“She made a lovely appetizer...but guess who I want for my entrée?” He held out his hand to Conner in a manner that was recognizable as Miss Martian’s when she was using her telekinesis, and he realized what was happening too late.  
  
Well, nearly.

With experience from years that never existed, he was able to realize what was happening just in time. He drew three discs from his utility belt (which was hidden on his person using a trade-secret) and tossed them at Parasite. The first two missed due to Parasite’s movements, but the last one sunk into his forearm and he grunted in pain.

Parasite looked at him and growled, “You!” He barked, using M’gann’s telekinesis to block Roy and Artemis’ arrows. He tensed, trying to anticipate Parasite’s moves. He had only faced Parasite once in the simulation, and it had been about ten simulated years from when he exited the fake reality.

It wasn’t enough to truly be able to have a good sense of his fighting style.

Parasite slammed him and M’gann together using his telepathy. He managed to turn enough in the air so that their heads didn’t collide. His back did collide with her chest, but there wasn’t the telltale sound of ribs breaking and he didn’t feel like that much damage had been caused on impact, so he figured they were both relatively okay.

He felt the control on his body loosen as Parasite let them both drop, and in doing so he rolled forwards, launching several more discs at him. Parasite let them collide with the arrows shot by the two archers, causing a miniature explosion that slightly rocked the train. He then got a smirk and reached towards Superboy once more, telekinetically bringing the clone into his grasp and clearly draining his powers.

He mentally swore, casting a brief glance at M’gann. She was still weak from Parasite’s own attack on her, but their collision hadn’t hurt her too badly.

“Now  _ that’s  _ the full body Kryptonian flavor I love!” Parasite exclaimed, throwing Superboy towards Artemis and Roy, effectively knocking them back. He grinned, before using laser vision to melt their bows, which had been thrown to the side during their encounter with a certain clone.

His eyes narrowed.  _ Full-body  _ Kryptonian? No, Superboy wasn’t created will the full powers of a Kryptonian, and Parasite should have been able to sense that. He could only get the powers that the person held and had active - not potential, like heat vision was for the Superman clone.

There was no plausible way that Parasite should have heat vision, unless Conner was lying to them.

With Parasite’s back to him and Miss Martian, he sprung forwards, aiming more for the box than the villain himself. It had been sitting there, seemingly forgotten, while the entire  exchange had occurred.

He had not forgotten. 

He grasped the box, but before he could move away, Parasite turned. He met eye contact with the villain for a moment, before Parasite knocked him back with telekinesis.

That was when it happened.

He had reacted quickly, having had years of experience in reading his enemy. It was a reflex - not a physical one, but a mental one - that had been honed after dealing with a countless number of foes in a simulated world.

It was the idea expressed that, as Jason had put it so eloquently,  _ “They can’t attack you as well if you kick the shit out of them first.” _

(Tim had rolled his eyes. Barbara chastised with him slightly for swearing, but it was more affectionately than sternly, which was clear through her own amused smile.)

So, in seeing Parasite was going to attack him, he lashed out. He had miscalculated the blow, since the reflex had been honed for him as an adult, not with a child, and therefore did not adjust to the fact that he was in a younger body with shorter limbs. The blow did not land.

However, his attempt did mean his arm was outstretched in a position where it brushed against Parasite’s own arm. Skin contact. All Parasite needed to drain him.

And yet…

Parasite glared at him furiously, and he did not feel his abilities being taken.

_ So...I must have been correct. _

Parasite must have gotten a similar thing to his flashbacks. It wouldn’t have been as clear as they were more memories than weaknesses. But still, Parasite couldn’t take one’s strongest abilities without taking something else by accident.

His eyes widened in realization as he was knocked back through the air.

He skidded across the train top, and managed to just latch onto the roof of the car before he went flying over the edge. As M’gann reached quickly to help pull him back to safety, he saw Parasite escape with what was doubtlessly more stolen tech.

 

**===================**

 

“This is just  _ great,”  _ Roy muttered. They were all back in their car, this time in their hero uniforms, as they would have to quickly leave as soon as they got a lead to Parasite’s location. There was no more undercover work required. “We have exactly zero leads.”

_ ‘And I’m stuck on a mission with four potential mole suspects,’  _ He probably also thought.

He couldn’t exactly blame the archer. After Miss Martian’s friendly-fire brain blast in Bialya (not that anyone other than himself and the Martian herself knew about that, but still), Artemis’ family problems (again, not that he was aware of that), and Parasite inexplicably getting laser vision from Superboy, despite the fact that that should be impossible, Roy definitely was not getting suspicious without reason.

Plus, there was always himself, still trying to get over a life never lived.

That didn’t mean he still wasn’t entirely unsuspicious of the archer, either. Despite the likely possibility that it was just a side-effect of him being extremely close with Roy in the simulation, he still thought the archer was off. Maybe he was just losing his grip on reality, but maybe…

Maybe it was  _ because  _ he was so close to Roy in the simulation that he was able to detect that his friend was behaving oddly now.

He held up a flash drive, “Not completely,” He said, “I managed to get this off of Parasite before he got away,” He plugged it into his gauntlet, trying to ignore how unfamiliar it was. Sure, he had still been adept at hacking, but he had had Barbara and Tim to really rely on for it. Oracle’s job was tech assistance from afar, and Tim had managed to surpass him in the hacking field.

“Parasite’s working for Intergang,” He reported, scanning the information in front of him after his program decrypted the files, “They’re putting together some sort of machine or weapon, some piece of tech that generates...black holes.” He stared at the screen in surprise.

“Oh come on,” Roy scoffed, crossing his arms, “For that, you’d need a particle accelerator,” 

But he was a step ahead, “There’s a boson collider in Geneva, which is the circus’ next stop.” He reported.

Suddenly, Roy was deadly serious. “Parasite has a big head start now that he can fly,”

“Sorry,” M’gann apologized, and he noticed Conner looking to the side, his face stone.

“It’s not your fault,” Artemis reassured her, as he stared at Conner.

_ It’s not M’gann who he got the flying from, is it? _

He shook off those thoughts, “We need to hurry,”

“You and I need to hurry,” Roy corrected, moving to grab his spare bow, “Without powers, the others would just hold us back,”

_ Roy would never say that. _

“Hey, you’re not the only one with a backup bow,” Artemis retorted, holding up a fully loaded and armed crossbow.

There was suddenly a bang, and everyone turned to look at Conner, who had punched the wall with his super strength, leaving a rather large dent. “And my powers are back,”

_ Impossible. It hasn’t even been an hour. _

“I guess Kryptonians recover faster than humans or Martians,” He said, rubbing his right arm as he replied to M’gann and Artemis’ confusion.

_ Liar. It doesn’t have to do with biology. That’s not how Parasite’s powers work. _

Miss Martian looked at them all, “Don’t you even  _ think  _ about leaving me behind,”

He tried not to look at Roy’s suspicious face as the boy looked at all of them.

 

**============**

 

Overall, it had been simple to take down Parasite.

He had informed the others that while Parasite could take one’s strengths and powers, he also would take some of their weaknesses. Which meant since M’gann’s weakness was fire, they just had to trap him in the flames.

Which they had been able to achieve.

After that, all they had to do was head back.

What he  _ hadn’t  _ been expecting was a certain confrontation.

“Robin,” He turned as he left the room to see none other than Roy standing there.

He looked at the physically older boy, “Yeah?”

Roy gave him a look of severe distrust that made his stomach twist slightly.

_ “Roy?” His call made the archer turn around and look back into the hospital room to face him once more. Him, lying in bed, utterly weak and broken. _

_ “Yeah, Dick?” _

_ “Can you...stay with me? For a bit?” _

_ A look flashed between them. The recognition that they were all that was left. That now they needed to stay together, heal together, and rebuild together. _

_ “Of course.” Roy’s voice was soft, and his chest loosened slightly. His voice was a promise, telling the thirteen year old that he wasn’t completely alone. That the Invasion hadn’t taken everything. _

“I don’t know what you’re hiding from them,” This Roy’s voice was harsh in his ear, and shocked him out of the memory. “But I swear if you’ve turned on us, you  _ will  _ regret it.”

This Roy made him feel even more alone. 


End file.
